Page 128 of Queen of Shadows and Ruin

Her.

He knew her. He knew he was supposed to protect her and that something tied them together. He recognized her voice and the way she smelled. He could sense her buried somewhere in the depths of his subconscious. He knew something was off.

He was supposed to protect her, guard her with his life.

But he wanted death.

His mind was tormented by dark shadows and screaming voices.

She was the object of his rage, and the only way to end it would be to end himself. Somewhere in the spiral of his tumbling thoughts, he knew this.

Rabin bellowed out a roar so raw it made his throat hurt. He’d lost her. He’d battered himself bloody trying to break into the tunnel, but it was too much. She’d escaped, and deep down, that made him feel something almost like relief.

But he would hunt her again.

He’d resist it. He’d tried to resist the urge to go after her. He’d thrown himself against the cavern walls for hours, attempting to snap himself out of his crippling rage, but it was no use. Something kept him tied to her. Something kept calling her. To seek her out. To bite and tear and shred.

Exhausted from hunting, he flopped onto the ground, his head lying between his claws. He inhaled deeply, his hot breath kicking up a cloud of dust with every powerful gust.

The warring thoughts in his mind made his head hurt and his vision blur. His eyes drifted shut as he tried to find peace. He saw something in the layers of his mind—something bright and shiny—something he knew he should want but couldn’t reach.

He shifted as he tried to get closer, reaching for it.

Her.

He knew it was her. He didn’t know how, but he was sure she was calling to him. Why would she call to him when he’d tried to hurt her? Not tried. He had hurt her. He noted the blood on his claws, congealed with bits of flesh and clothing.

Slowly, he dragged his arm closer before his forked tongue lashed out, licking the tips of his talons.

The taste filled his head, and a memory returned—an electric flavor layered with shadows, light, and happiness. That was the only way he could describe it, whatever this was.

Whoever she was—she was happiness.

But he wanted her dead.

Why?

Why couldn’t he remember?

FORTY-THREE

Catana led Yasen and Row up the winding mountain through the snow and wind and cold. Yasen hated every minute of it. He wanted to be back in Ishaan with Miraan, waking up in bed with sunlight on their skin.

He wanted to bask in a spring breeze and inhale the scent of fresh leaves and flowers. Instead, he was cold and shivering, and his toes were seconds from snapping off.

But this was for Zarya. He’d promised to follow her anywhere, and no one was more surprised than him to discover he’d truly meant it from the bottom of his skeptical heart.

Finally, after climbing for what felt like forever, they found themselves on a level path and a plateau surrounded by soaring peaks. Ahead was a bridge disappearing into nothing. Yasen blinked as dread pooled in his gut. Was this where they were headed, and what the fuck was that?

To their left sat a cave opening.

Catana ducked inside while Row and Yasen studied the bridge swinging in the wind.

“Is that where we’re going?” Yasen asked.

Row huffed out a breath. “I think so.”

Then he turned and also entered the cave.