Page 37 of Queen of Shadows and Ruin

She peered up at him and pressed her lips together as he pulled his hand away.

“I don’t want you to worry,” he said. “Kishore will return soon, and we’ll fix this.”

“I am worried. I can’t not be worried.”

He didn’t respond, his jaw hard as he surveyed their surroundings.

“Let’s just try and help as many as possible while we’re here,” he said. “That’s better than focusing on something we can’t change right now.”

She opened her mouth to protest, but he silenced her with a pleading look. Blowing out a breath, she rolled her lips together. She hated this. The uncertainty was already eating her alive. But maybe he was right, and using their time to do something productive made more sense.

But as they passed through the city, even that idea seemed futile given the sheer number of vanshaj everywhere she looked. It reminded her that no matter what happened, she was still vastly unprepared to deal with the scale of this movement.

No matter how fast she worked, it would take years to accomplish complete and total freedom—and that was if they received approval from Rahajhan’s rulers. Otherwise, it would take decades trying to operate in secret.

As they continued walking, she eyed the grand houses perched on the cliff, wondering if she could appeal to someone else with power and influence.

Again, Rabin rubbed his temple and let out a sigh.

“Why don’t you lie down?” she asked.

He looked at her, and she could tell he was about to argue.

“Please?”

He blew out another breath and then nodded before they returned to the castle. Zarya forced him into bed, and it must have been a measure of how he was feeling because he didn’t even argue.

Once she was certain he’d stay put, she left him to rest while she headed for the library. After she arrived, she stopped to stare around the room, sensing the king’s presence despite his absence. On the days he joined her, they talked about everything—books, music, and history. He had so much to offer, and ever so slowly, she could feel her guard crumbling.

This man was her father. He wasn’t perfect, but she could see a future where they might exist as a family. Row would always be her father in a way that Abishek could never claim, but she had more than enough love in her heart for both.

Once upon a time, Zarya believed no one wanted or loved her, but now she was surrounded by people who cared for her. The thought elicited a warm, fuzzy feeling in her chest that she clung to with all of her hopes.

The air was still and quiet, and this place was becoming like a second home. She inhaled the scent of paper and dust as a sense of calm settled into her bones.

After a few hours of reading, a sound drew her attention to the door. Rabin and Ekaja entered. He had a bit more flush to his cheeks, and a tiny knot of relief eased in her chest. Maybe this was nothing, and he was just coming down with something. Except rakshasa immunity was adept at fighting off the sorts of illnesses that plagued humans and even Aazheri from time to time.

“Found anything?” Rabin asked as he dropped into the seat next to her while Ekaja propped her elbow on a nearby shelf.

Zarya had been informed that Ekaja knew about her visions. Apparently, there wasn’t much Abishek didn’t share with his commander, and she was a bit irritated that the king hadn’t asked her permission first. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust the woman, but she also knew very little about her.

“Not really,” Zarya said. “Certainly, lots about past lives and reincarnated souls, but anything I come across doesn’t sound right. Mine don’t feel like memories in the same way. There’s no distance. It feels like those things happened to me and not whoever I was before.”

Rabin and Ekaja shared concerned looks as Zarya slapped a thick book shut, generating a cloud of dust. Her lungs were probably filled with it at this point. She waved her hand with a cough. Abishek clearly loved his library, but he was selective about who he allowed past the door, including the cleaning staff.

A second later, the door to the library opened again. One of the usual sentries bowed before admitting Urvi. She crossed the room, clutching a note in her hands. “Sorry to interrupt, but the king asked that I give this to you.”

She handed the note to Rabin, who opened it, his brows furrowing.

“What is it?” Zarya asked.

“He’s throwing a party tonight, and you are the guest of honor.”

“Me?” She pressed her mouth together as nervousness churned in her gut. Abishek had made a few passing references about introducing her to Andhera’s nobility, but she’d hoped they’d be long gone and on their way to Ishaan before he got around to it. It’s not that she didn’t want to meet them, but she was apprehensive about how they’d receive her.

Then she recalled those grand houses overlooking the city and wondered if this might be a chance to appeal to someone about the vanshaj.

“He wants to show you off,” Ekaja sing-songed.