Page 50 of Queen of Shadows and Ruin

She nodded. That did make sense.

“I just don’t understand why my subconscious would be choosing to hurt her.”

Abishek seemed to consider that. “Perhaps deep down, you blame her for leaving you. Perhaps you must work through any anger you’re holding about being abandoned by the only parent who knew you existed.”

Zarya rubbed the tip of her nose, wondering if she sensed a pointedness in his comment. She understood her mother’s reasons for keeping her a secret from Abishek, but he probably had a right to feel a touch bitter about the entire situation. Especially since they’d been here for weeks now, and the king hadn’t done anything to suggest her fears were accurate.

“Maybe,” Zarya replied.

She recalled Dishani’s shouted words and Miraan’s answer when she’d barely clung to life.

She abandoned us.

She didn’t have a choice.

Zarya wasn’t the only child she’d left. She wasn’t the only one hurt by their mother’s disappearance. Maybe with Asha in the picture, things would have turned out differently for all of them. Could she have controlled her daughter? Would her mother have worked with the Rising Phoenix or against them?

“How did you meet her?” Zarya asked. “How did you…”

“Come to father you?” he asked with an arched brow.

“Yes.”

He leaned back in his chair and crossed his legs. “It’s not a particularly interesting story. I was in Ishaan on business, and it’s customary for visiting royals to offer lodging to one another.” He paused. “She was a fascinating and beautiful woman, and we talked for hours. We had many things in common, and I understood her arrangement with Kabir was only a front.” His gaze grew distant. “As one thing led to another, I find you sitting here with me.”

He turned to look at her, and she was having trouble reconciling her conflicting emotions.

She tore her gaze from the king’s and looked around the room. She didn’t want to talk about this anymore. That dream kept polluting her thoughts. Combined with her strange visions, her head was becoming a very dark and tumultuous place.

“Why were you looking for me?” Abishek asked a moment later.

“Hmm?” She returned her focus to the king.

“When you came in, you wondered where I’d been.”

“Yes. I wanted to talk to you about Amir.”

Abishek arched a brow and gave her a serious look.

“What about him?”

“I hope I’m not overstepping or imagining anything, but I wondered if perhaps…” She stopped and rubbed a hand down her face. Now that she was saying it out loud, she felt silly and wondered if she’d misread the entire situation.

“What is it?” Abishek asked, his tone laced with concern.

“You weren’t trying to ‘introduce’ us?” she finally asked. Abishek appeared confused before his expression cleared.

“Ah, I think I understand,” he said. “I simply wanted you to meet him as I did with all the others. I hope… I did nothing wrong?”

Zarya inhaled a breath and smiled. “No. Not at all. I guess I misread things.”

Abishek chuckled softly. “Though if you are looking to make a match, you could do worse than…”

She raised a hand. “Thank you. No. That isn’t necessary.”

“You’re sure? You’re a young woman, and you’ll need to settle down soon enough.”

Zarya ignored the chastisement in his tone and sucked in a deep, calming breath.