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I don’t move, partly because I’m still not ready to face her and partly because the feel of her lips on my skin is so overwhelming, so perfect, that it’s all I can concentrate on.
I can’t believe I almost lost her.
I can’t believe she came back.
“I know you’re awake,” she says, voice husky and sleep-worn. “You can’t hide from me forever.”
And fuck. Just fuck.
I roll over then—no use pretending if she’s going to call me on it. I’m not sure what I expect to see in her face, but it’s not the bone-deep tenderness that’s there. It’s not the love she doesn’t even try to hide. And it sure as hell isn’t the tears burning in the depths of her eyes.
“Don’t cry, sweetheart,” I tell her as I pull her close. I kiss her closed eyelids, skim my lips across her forehead and down her cheeks. “Please don’t cry. I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”
“You’re sorry?” she repeats, disbelieving. “I’m the one who left like a freaking coward. I’m the one who should be apologizing.”
“Is that why you left?” I ask. “Because you were afraid?”
“I left because I convinced myself it was better for you. And—”
“It’s not,” I interrupt.
“So I’ve figured out.” She takes a deep breath, then lets it out slowly. “And to answer your other question, yes. I left because I was afraid—afraid of what I felt for you, afraid that what you felt for me might not be as strong. Afraid that I was keeping you from your destiny.”
“I’m so sorry you felt that way.”
“Don’t!” she answers. “Please don’t you dare apologize to me. Not for the fact that I was a coward who couldn’t get her shit together.”
I laugh. I can’t help it. Lola has a way of being brutally honest and somehow funny as hell at the same time.
“Yeah, well, you came back to a monster who was completely out of control. I figure that’s worse.”
“I came back to a man who has every right to be in pain,” she responds, rolling me over so that she’s on top of me, her legs straddling my hips. “If you ask me, I’m surprised you haven’t trashed a room sooner. Hell, I’m surprised you haven’t trashed the whole world. I’m not sure I could have that much control. If I went through even a tenth of what you have, I’d probably burn the whole damn place to the ground.”
Trust Lola to make me laugh when I’m at my absolute lowest. She laughs along with me, but then her eyes turn serious. She reaches a hand up to my face and traces a delicate finger over the lines by my eyes, the grooves around my mouth. “You okay?”
I nod.
“Really? You’re not faking it this time?”
“I’m not faking it. And if I’m not okay now, for the first time I have faith that I will be at some not-so-distant date. That has to count for something, right?”
“It counts for a lot.” She smiles at me with soft, sky-blue eyes.
“I’m going to get more help. I’ll see Michael twice a week. I’ll open up more, do whatever he wants me to do.”
“I’m so glad.”
“And you won’t leave me, right? If I do all that?”
“Oh, Garrett, baby. I was an idiot to leave you the first time. You were right. I was scared to trust you, scared to think I mattered enough for you to stick around if things didn’t work out the way you hoped.”
“I love you—”
“I know.” She presses soft kisses to my lips. “I love you too. I just let old fears and old rejections get in my way. Even if Samuel hadn’t come down to get me yesterday, I’m pretty sure I would have found my way back up here. The longer I spent in my own hotel room, the more I missed you. It hurt like hell to leave you, so I figured out it was stupid to worry about losing you some nebulous time in the future when I was already suffering for walking away from you.”
“Don’t do that again. I’ll do my part to get healthy, but please. Please don’t leave me like that again.”
“I won’t. I couldn’t, even if I wanted to. I need you too much.” For a second I think she’s going to say more, but then she just leans forward and presses her mouth to mine.
