Page 29 of Hate You to Love You

It’s painful for me to admit that Elliot chose his career over me.

He opens his mouth like he’s about to argue, but I don’t want to hear it. ‘There’s only room for one thing in your heart, and that’s how far you can get in your career. So stop pretending anything or anyone else matters.’ Heat rises to my face as I watch the insult land. With every word that comes out of my mouth, Elliot’s expression darkens. Even if I want to take my comments back, I’m not letting myself fold at the idea that Elliot wants to talk about what happened between the two of us. He left. He chose a life without me. It’s as simple as that.

‘Psst,’ one of the microphone operators calls in our direction. We turn to him and he gestures for us to shush.

Elliot sighs and then pulls me by the elbow towards the back wall of the studio, further away from the main set.

‘What are you doing?’ I try to resist following him, but his hold is relentless.

‘We’re sorting out whatever is going on between us,’ he hisses.

‘Seriously?’ I scoff. ‘This isn’t just some misunderstanding, Elliot. You left me. Just accept that I have a right to feel angry about that.’

Before he can answer, another camera operator waves in our direction. They signal for us again to be quiet as they point back to the cameras recording Claudia. Elliot glances to the left and right until his attention lands on a door with a sign that reads: ‘Set Storage’.

‘Here,’ he grumbles while grabbing hold of my arm again and dragging me to the door.

The door shuts with a click behind us. It’s a small space, cluttered with mops, a bucket and other cleaning equipment in one corner, the other side filled with studio lights and equipment.

‘What are you doing?’ I ask, already defeated.

‘Fixing this,’ he insists. ‘Believe it or not, I don’t want to fight with you.’

I cross my arms and brush past him, facing the other side of the closet. ‘I don’t want to fight with you either.’

‘So, can we just forget about our history?

‘I’ve tried!’ I cry out. There’s a shudder of pain in my voice.

‘Why can’t you look at me?’ he asks.

I don’t answer him. Instead, my eyes shut tight with the hope that if I wish hard enough, something or someone will take me out of this moment. I can’t look at him because no matter how many times I’ve tried to forget the pain he caused me over the years, the happy memories still seep through like blood gushing from an open wound. I don’t want to fight with him because I know that our conversation will force us right back to the moment where Elliot left me. He promised he’d always be by my side, and I didn’t want a reminder of that broken promise.

‘Carlos?’

My eyes snap open and I reluctantly turn to face him. ‘Didn’t I ask you to stop bringing up the past? You moved on with your life, and I moved on with mine. Let’s not pretend that there’s any way to turn back time. We’re two different people now, living completely different lives.’

He doesn’t take his eyes off me as I begin to pace.

‘This’ – I gesture between the two of us – ‘is strictly business. We might as well be strangers.’

Elliot breathes in and out, his face going blank. ‘Fine,’ he says, voice removed. ‘Then forget about it.’

‘Believe me,’ I mutter. ‘I’ve tried.’

Elliot turns his head away from me. It’s only a moment, but I swear that I see tears well in his eyes. But I can’t get caught up in how he feels. That’s exactly how I got into this mess in the first place. After another beat of silence, he swings around and goes to open the door.

Except it doesn’t open.

Elliot pulls at it again, turning the doorknob to the left and right several times.

‘What is it?’ I ask.

‘The door,’ he says, pulling frantically on the handle. ‘I think it’s locked.’

I roll my eyes and push him to the side. ‘Here, let me try.’

I pull the door towards me, convinced that it’s going to open, but it just rattles slightly.