Page 31 of Hate You to Love You

I force myself to speak. ‘Am I… am I fired?’

‘If it were up to me, you would be,’ she explains. ‘But for some reason, Redhouse is willing to give you another chance.’

‘What?’

‘I’m just as surprised as you are, but Claudia’s publicist somehow managed to convince them that you were the right person for the job. So, if they want you, they’ll have you.’

I’m at a loss for words. Why would Elliot defend me?

‘I’m serious, Carlos,’ Tamara goes on. ‘If I hear of one more screw up from you, that’s it. No more excuses or second chances. You’re done. Do you hear me?’

‘I won’t let you down,’ I assure her.

I leave the office with a sense of relief and sink into the chair at my desk. There’s the sound of wheels squeaking as Addie scoots over towards me in her chair. ‘I assume from the lack of screaming and crying that you didn’t get fired.’

‘I did not.’

She chuckles and takes out the packet of Skittles again. ‘Skittle?’

‘I’m going to need more than a Skittle,’ I tell her. ‘Are you busy tonight?’ I ask.

‘I just have to do one more edit on my pitch, but that’s about it,’ she says.

‘Good. Because I need your help with something.’

Addie and I spend the afternoon eating Skittles and going over all the research I’ve done on Claudia. While she pores over articles and news reports, I flick through the stack of notebooks Elliot gave me.

Most of them seem to contain notes for These Days – character descriptions, ideas for scenes, timelines and snippets of dialogue. But one of them looks more worn than the others. It’s a faded maroon notebook, bent along the edges of the cover. My hands gloss over the worn-out leather. The thread along the edges is loose. There’s a newspaper clipping announcing the acquisition of Summer Memory stuck on the first page. I flip through the rest of it slowly. It’s completely different from the notebooks about her writing process. There are personal mementos, like correspondence between Claudia and her team at Redhouse, letters from fans, and souvenirs from a past tour. Pages are stuffed with bookmarks from bookstores, old receipts, postcards from different countries. Thick and tattered, I can feel the weight of the memories held in this notebook.

Did Elliot give me this by mistake? I turn the pages eagerly, holding my breath – the tone of some of the entries is almost confessional. Claudia writes about how she can’t believe that the Golden Ruins time of her life is over, and wonders whether anything she’ll ever write will amount to the success of her first series.

Addie hands me an article she’s found. ‘This one talks about how the criticism of the publishing industry in Summer Memory had everyone speculating that it was lifted from real life.’

It made sense. The main characters in Summer Memory were both authors. And because it was set in the publishing industry, the story featured a lot of meta references about authors and the book world. Part of the excitement of reading it was seeing what Claudia had to say about publishing, and her fellow authors.

‘Everyone always assumed that the main characters were based on her and Alastair O’Callahan,’ she added.

I look down at the printout. The photograph next to the headline features Claudia accompanying Alastair at the launch of one of his books. Everyone knew their story. Two writers who fell in love after meeting in the industry. Always together at book events; a true literary love story.

‘Huh,’ I mumble, turning the pages of the maroon notebook, looking for mentions of Alastair. Instead, I’m struck by the way the pages are structured. The first third of the notebook has keepsakes from places in Sydney. Claudia has a few pages dedicated to a bar called Parlour, and underneath a coaster, receipt and faded menu, she’s written the words: Parlour, 49 Market Street, Sydney, 12 March 2021. The following pages hold polaroids of her visiting bookstores, with a few spreads dedicated to what appears to be tokens from her Sydney launch of the book. When I flip through the rest of the pages, I notice that it’s broken up into entries with reminders of each stop on the Summer Memory tour.

‘What is it?’ Addie asks.

‘This notebook. It’s like a travel journal from Claudia’s last tour.’

I pass the notebook over to Addie, who begins flicking through it. ‘Seems like she’s a nostalgic person. Makes sense if you’ve read Summer Memory.’

Another surge of inspiration courses through my veins.

Maybe if I can remind Claudia of a time when she used to be happy, she might finally open up to me.

‘You look like you have another idea,’ Addie notes, popping a Skittle into her mouth.

‘I do,’ I reply. ‘It’s just a question of whether or not it will work. But I don’t think I have anything left to lose.’

chapter thirteen

When I messaged Elliot to set up the evening meeting with Claudia at Parlour, he was unsure about it. It took a lot of back and forth, but eventually I managed to convince him that the impromptu meeting was for the benefit for the article, and Claudia’s public image. I knew that making it about Elliot’s job would convince him, and it did. But my hope was that going back to places that were special to Claudia would help her loosen up about her past.