Page 39 of Hate You to Love You

‘They’re wanting to do radiation therapy this time since it’s relapsed,’ Laney continues, letting out a deep breath that seems to encompass the heaviness that she’s been carrying around since getting this news. ‘And we’ve got a few appointments this week to go over the plan. But Mum has made me promise that she’ll get to see her daughter get married, which is why we settled on doing it next month.’

‘Understandable,’ Elliot states.

‘With the appointments and the treatment plan, I’ll need all the help I can get to plan this wedding,’ Laney declares. ‘So I’ve got something to ask you. Sal, Jones, Carlos… will the three of you be my bridal party?’

Sal looks touched. Jones gives Laney a hopeful smile. And I hold her hand tightly.

‘Us?’ Jones asks.

‘I know it’s not exactly traditional, but who wants a traditional wedding anyway? And you guys are my best friends, I wouldn’t want anyone else helping me with this wedding. Most of all, you are the people I want standing next to me when Patrick and I get hitched.’

We all look at each other. The momentousness of the occasion as well as the responsibility hits me. While I’m grieving the chapter of our lives that is about to close, I’m honoured that she wants us with her on the day.

I’m touched, and I reach out to grab Laney by the hand. ‘Of course I’ll be by your side.’

‘I’d love to,’ Jones says.

Sal beams with a cheery smile. ‘And I’ve always wanted to plan a wedding.’

‘You’re in good hands with these guys,’ Elliot adds. ‘Just make sure Jones doesn’t control the music.’

‘Hey!’ Jones replies with a laugh. ‘I for one think Meatloaf would perfectly suit a wedding playlist.’

‘Do you think we can do this in four weeks?’ Laney asks nervously.

‘Don’t worry,’ I say. ‘We’ll make sure this is a wedding you’ll never forget.’

chapter sixteen

Still reeling from the shock of Laney’s news about her mum’s diagnosis, we try to focus on the positives of her wedding. Patrick says he’s always wanted to get married by the water, while Laney admits she’s had this fantasy about holding their ceremony in the assembly hall of the primary school where they met as teachers. As the conversation intensifies, and more of Laney’s friends and family come and go from the table, I do my best not to look directly at Elliot. Although whenever I do, I seem to catch him stealing glances at me.

‘Okay, these margaritas are wearing off,’ Jones announces.

‘Is it too early for Marly Bar?’ Sal asks.

Most of the group decide to stay at the Courthouse, while Jones, Sal, Laney, Patrick, Elliot and I settle on moving on, deciding to stop on the way for cocktails at Kuletos, who are known for their Long Island iced teas. Once we’re sufficiently buzzed on cocktails, we head down to Marly Bar, which had once been our favourite place to go dancing. As usual, the floor is sticky, there are multiple disco balls hanging from the ceiling, and the DJ is playing hits from the 2000s. But while the crowd dances to ‘Untouched’ by The Veronicas, I can’t help but feel out of place. The other patrons in the club are so much younger than us. Sal seems uncomfortable dancing here without being blind drunk. Laney and Patrick look like they would rather be anywhere else than drinking vodka cranberries on the packed dance floor. And while I thought I’d enjoy the sight of it, seeing Jones drunkenly twirling around in a club now seems sad, like someone trying to recapture their long-gone youth. It seems we’ve overstayed our welcome at this stage of life.

And then there’s Elliot. Even with a crowd of people between us, I can’t get my focus off him. It’s torture seeing the way he is with my friends. As if no time has passed at all. So much is the same as I remember it, except now Elliot and I might as well be strangers.

Eventually, the group drops off one by one. When a dizzy Jones runs to the bathroom it takes a moment for me to realise that the last person I know left on the dance floor is Elliot. I shuffle to a table on the side, nursing a cosmopolitan. The dance floor is still alive with patrons dancing to ‘My Life Would Suck Without You’ by Kelly Clarkson, and on the other side of it, Elliot stands with his eyes fixed on me. I can’t tell if he’s drunk, or ready to initiate another fight.

I want to yell across the dance floor. To scream, cry and ask him why he decided to keep in touch with Jones, Sal and Laney instead of me. What was it about me that wasn’t worth fighting for?

And then, as if sensing my emotions, he starts to move through the crowd in my direction. Suddenly terrified of blurting out everything I’m feeling, I rush into the bathroom, where I lock myself in a stall. Closing my eyes, I wish for the universe to make Elliot leave.

My thoughts are interrupted by the sound of the stall door next to me being unlocked, and footsteps followed by someone knocking on my door.

‘Go away,’ I cry.

‘It’s me,’ Jones says.

I sigh and open the door, giving Jones a defeated stare.

‘Do you want to talk about it?’ he asks.

‘You mean do I want to talk about him?’

He looks at me fondly. ‘It might help…’