Page 65 of Hate You to Love You

‘It’s just, if things ended between you and Alastair, how is this a love story?’

Claudia gives me a sneaky smile. ‘Oh, it’s definitely a love story.’

‘Even with the way it ended?’

She clears her throat. ‘I never said the love story was between me and Alastair.’

I drop my phone, and it makes a loud thud as it hits the floor. Claudia gets up from the table, taking the final sip from her glass of wine.

‘This was never about him?’

‘He was an important part of my life. There are pieces of who I am that wouldn’t exist without Alastair. But I was never truly in love with him.’

I get up quickly from my chair, stepping in front of Claudia to stop her from leaving before I can get more answers.

‘I don’t understand,’ I tell her.

‘I told you why he was important to the Dublin chapter of my life. But this story ends in Edinburgh.’

Claudia’s answers leave me stunned. She grabs her coat from where it’s hanging by the door and throws it over her shoulders before taking off into the night. I remain frozen in the middle of the bar. My phone is still recording, and I hit pause, pondering how Claudia could have revealed so much but still left me with so many questions.

I have another glass of wine while I collect my thoughts, then begin to make my way back to the hotel. Along the way, I send over some of my notes from this most recent interaction to Elliot. Even though he made it clear that he didn’t know the reason why Claudia disappeared, there was a chance he could provide some valuable insight. Except he doesn’t reply. Which is strange, because he usually replies immediately whenever Claudia is involved.

After I’ve gone over all my notes back in my hotel room, I send him a follow-up message. But again I get no reply. I try not to let his silence get to me. I really try. But it does.

chapter twenty-nine

then

In a moment of cruel serendipity, Elliot and I are both leaving Sydney within the space of a week of each other. The trip with my parents is still going ahead. But following a series of last-minute calls and cancellation fees, Elliot’s managed to erase himself from our itinerary, and it’s baffling how quickly he seems to be slipping out of my life. While my parents are understanding about the fact that Elliot’s work means he can no longer join us, it hurts me so much more than I let on.

The gang farewells Elliot and me at The Vic on The Park on a Sunday afternoon. Sal had a regular gig booked at the busy pub every Saturday, but this would be his final show for a while, so we’d decided to combine the events and have the big send-off there.

It’s a grey and overcast afternoon, but The Vic is still tightly packed. There’s not even a lot of standing room left in the outdoor area. Jones has found us a spot on a picnic table out the back with a decent view of the stage.

Sal kickstarts his show with a cover of ‘Look What You’ve Done’ by Jet before launching into a few of his original songs. Like proud parents, we cheer him on from our seats and I can see his face light up every time we yell out for him. I know Elliot is trying to act like this is just another night for us, but it’s not.

When Sal’s set is over, he comes over to join us.

‘This round is on me,’ he offers, putting down an ice bucket and several wineglasses.

‘Shouldn’t it be on Elliot, to make up for leaving us for a whole year?’ Laney says.

‘Moving to London is pretty huge, how do you feel?’ Patrick asks Elliot.

‘It’s an Australian rite of passage to go to London,’ Jones adds.

Elliot shrugs his shoulders. ‘It’s all happened so fast I don’t think I’ve had time to process it. I barely had time to find a place to stay. I’m going to be crashing on an old uni friend’s couch for the first couple weeks.’

‘If there’s anyone that’ll land on their feet, it’s you,’ Sal says. ‘You always have a plan, after all.’

‘I need another drink,’ I grumble, though my glass of wine is still full. Hearing Elliot talk about his London plans is making my skin crawl. Can’t he see that he’s moving towards a future that doesn’t include me – or does he just not care?

I’ve barely made it to the bar when I hear Elliot shouting my name.

‘Carlos!’ he calls out. ‘Carlos, wait up!’

There are too many people in the venue for me to make a quick exit.