Page 100 of Blightfall

“How can you do that?” Nedd asked. “After everything we’ve been through? How do you stay so happy with all the violence and death and destruction we’ve seen?”

I thought about that. Was that who I was—Sadie, the happy one? It wasn’t such a bad role. But—“I’m not sure I am happy,” I said, “at least not all the time.” It felt like I was revealing a dark secret, one I spent a lot of time trying to ignore. Nedd seemed surprised, and I wondered if it made him think less of me. But at the same time, my words still weren’t quite right. “I guess there’s enough horror and pain and terror in the world. I can’t change what’s happened. I can’t stop what’s coming. So there’s no reason to borrow more, right? Why assume the others are dead, when it’s possible they aren’t? Why cause myself the trauma, the mourning, the agony, if there’s still a chance I won’t have to feel it?”

“Maybe because it’s scary to hope,” Nedd said. “Scary to believe something and then discover it isn’t true.”

“It is scary,” I said. “But do you think his death will hurt less if you resign yourself to it?”

“No,” Nedd said. “It’s going to be horrific either way.” He looked down at his biological hand, flexing it. “Maybe I should look at the bright side more.”

“That’s not what I meant,” I said. “It’s not like I think we should ignore all the terrible things that are happening. Or that you should try to forget about your brothers or not feel sad. I just think that even though there’s a lot of darkness and destruction, there’s a lot of hope and beauty too. And even if they don’t balance each other out, even if the good stuff doesn’t erase the bad stuff…the bad stuff doesn’t get to erase the good stuff either, you know? The hope and the pain, they can exist simultaneously.”

I was circling the point I was trying to make, and I wasn’t sure I was making sense. But Nedd was still listening, so I kept trying. “Maybe you need to look at all the sides, the bright and the dark. Like, your brothers are dead, and that’s horrible. But you aren’t, and that’s pretty great. And Arturo might have died up there and that’s terrifying. But maybe he didn’t. He and Naga have been in tight spots before, and they may have gotten out.”

“Gotten out!” Nope said. “Gotten out!”

“We don’t know,” Nedd said quietly.

“Know!” Nope said loudly. She was kind of interrupting the moment, but I didn’t correct her. We all dealt with stress in our own way, I supposed.

“Stars, I’ve been rambling again. I’m sorry. I never know the right thing to say.”

“Are you sure?” Nedd said. “Because that was pretty perfect.”

“Yeah?” I said. I hated that Nedd was suffering. But if I couldn’t change the things that caused Nedd pain, it felt pretty good to be able to make a tiny piece of it a little less horrible.

“They probably made it,” Nedd said quietly, as if he was testing the words.

“Made it!” Nope said.

“Probably,” I added.

“Made it!” Nope said, getting louder and shriller with each outburst. “Made it! Made it! Know! Know!”

Human-slug communication was difficult at the best of times, but Nope sounded so…certain. “Oh,” I said. “Do you think…Do you think Nope…knows?”

“Knows!” Nope shrieked. “Knows knows knows!”

“Oh!” I said. “The slugs can talk to each other! And if Bob can talk to Naga and Bob can talk to Nope—”

“Bob! Nope! Naga!” Nope cried. “Made it!”

“Hey!” I said. “They made it!”

Nedd still looked afraid to believe it. For a moment he hesitated, and then a smile broke out across his face as he let himself give way to the hope.

“They’re okay,” Nedd said. “Thank the stars.” He grinned at me, and I grinned back at him. Stars, looking Nedd in the eyes like that, seeing him look so happy—it gave me a tingly feeling all over. I knew I should look away. This was about Arturo being alive and not about my stupid crush.

But we were just talking about how one should appreciate the beautiful things where one found them because the Saint knew there were enough awful things in the world to go around.

So I let myself soak it all up, me and Nedd, alone in the woods.

He was still watching me, a thoughtful look in his eyes, until all at once he broke eye contact and seemed to need to look literally anywhere else.

Oh, no. Was I being obvious? I was probably being obvious. I felt my face flush and cursed myself for ruining a perfect moment.

“I—” Nedd said. “I, um. Stars.” He looked around, as if just now realizing we were lost in woods inhabited by scions. “If the others are okay, we need to find them.”

He probably wanted to get away from the clingy girl with the wrong idea as soon as possible. “Yeah,” I said. “And we have a hyperslug, so let’s see if Twist can help us out.”