Page 166 of Antihero

“The closer I am to you, the stronger I am,” she said. “And the stronger I am, the more I can handle.”

“I can’t protect you, Josephine.”

“I’m not asking you to. Anymore.”

“That’s not…”

“What?” she said. “‘A mission that ends’?”

“No,” he lied.

She smiled. It was great. “Maybe this is what it feels like to be someone’s kid.”

“Same,” he said. “But reverse.”

“Weird.”

“Yes,” he said. “Weird.”

He really could have used that vodka right about now.

“So this is, like, what real people feel like,” Joey said. “All emotional and shit.”

“There are no real people.”

“Or we’re all real people,” Joey said. “We’re all just the same.”

Evan thought. “Except the really bad ones.”

“I know. I fucking hate the really bad ones.”

They smirked a little and then sat there looking at each other, suddenly awkward.

Joey checked her watch. “Welp, my friends are here any sec. So you’d better blow. Remember”—she did Dumb Evan voice: “‘Your job is to remain unnoticed, inconspicuous. Not to present ostentatiously and elicit shitty cocktails from people at the bar.’”

“The voice,” he said. “You’re getting better.”

“Been practicing.” She was beaming. Even her eyes smiled at him.

He did not want to leave.

He did not want her meeting up with hacker friends from online.

He did not want her out in the world unchaperoned.

He considered what to say. No idea. He thought about what someone wiser than him might say. He summoned a smile or at least a more neutral shape for his mouth.

“Have fun,” he said.

He slid out, stood.

Joey looked up at him. Her eyes were brimming again and he felt something deep in his chest, something like anguish. If he allowed himself to have this, to have Joey, then he would have something to lose that could end him.

It was not a risk worth taking.

But he no longer had a choice.

She hesitated and he saw her trying for it, trying for it more. But she couldn’t quite get there.