Page 33 of Sour Notes

“Everybody, we wanted to wait until we were all together to tell you, but Swayze and I are dating. It’s still kinda early, but we thought you should know.”

Wait. What? Did Mia just say we’re⁠—

Shut. The. Front. Door.

Did I go home and take a nap?

Get in a car wreck?

Am I laid out in a hospital bed somewhere?

Or has my poor long-suffering Mia-obsessed mind finally cracked and gone all out on a crazy train to imagination station?

Because I’ve got to be imagining this, there’s no way it’s real.

Except the shrieks coming out of our mothers right now are loud enough to wake the dead.

Mia slams into my chest when they close around us in a group hug, still squealing. I’m pretty sure my mom just perforated my eardrum, and, oh god, Mia’s mom's crying.

I can’t deal with women crying.

Why is she crying?

“Uhhhh, Ma?”

Mia’s horrified gaze meets mine.

Not sure why she’s looking at me like that. This shit was all her idea. It ain’t on me. I’m just the fuckwit who agreed to follow her lead.

Maria plants a kiss on her daughter's cheek before pinching mine so hard, it’ll probably bruise.

“Every day I prayed you’d end up together. Every single day. I can’t believe God finally answered. Exaristo Xriste mou.” She breaks away babbling in Greek and doing the sign of the cross, before grabbing my mom in a hug.

My mom squeals again, tears now free-falling down her face.

Fuck me. Can eating too many mushrooms—normal, not magic—make you hallucinate?

I should lay off the stir-fry.

Maybe I’m in the twilight zone.

It’s a real thing, and I’m in it.

That’s the only explanation.

Why else would Mia willingly hitch her wagon to me? She refused to go out on a single date with me, and now we’re suddenly together?

“Maria, our babies have finally seen the light after all these years.” My mom hugs Mia’s mom tight, both of them staring at us, ecstatically smiling. We on the other hand look like we lost a battle with Medusa—frozen solid, my hand tightly clasped in Mia’s.

“We’re gonna be sisters for real, Christine. Our babies are going to get married. Oh my god, this is the best day ever!”

MARRIED???????

Wait a damn second. I just wanted to take Mia out for dinner, now I’m getting married?

I don’t get a second to gather my thoughts before they drag us back to the table, sitting us opposite the two bemused strangers. Though they’re the least of my problems right now.

“Sit, sit. Tell us everything. Don’t keep us hanging any longer. How did all of this come about?” My mom looks between the two of us, her cheeks flushed with excitement.