Page 89 of The Devil’s Lair

I think I’m in love with my wife.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

TOBIAS

Since our kiss on Sunday, I’ve kept my distance from Rebecca. Or maybe she’s keeping her distance from me. Either way, I haven’t seen her or Isla, and I miss them. The very thing I feared happening has happened. I showed my hand and ended up losing them both.

I never should have kissed her. Or was it her who kissed me? It’s all muddled in my mind, memories fuzzy and incoherent. All I know is the feel of her lips, the way her breasts flattened against my chest, the touch of her hand on my cheek, they all changed me on a cellular level. The truth is, I don’t wish it hadn’t happened. It’s more I wish it could happen again, and again, and again. And this from a man who’s avoided intimacy his entire life.

The irony isn’t lost on me.

My Wednesday morning passes at the rate of sludge traveling uphill. I swear at one point the clock goes backward instead of forward. I throw myself into work, but it’s no help. I can’t stop fidgeting, like I’m sitting on a cactus. Both times Bea has walked into my office—once to bring me a coffee and the second to drop off papers that needed signing—she’s given me this side-eyed look filled with a combination of curiosity and concern. She knows something’s up, and I’m waiting for her to ask me, a ready lie on the tip of my tongue. More likely, a diversionary joke.

The third time my door opens, I brace myself for Bea’s special brand of interrogation. But it isn’t Bea who enters.

“Hi,” Rebecca says, fiddling with the hem on her jumper. Seems I’m not the only one who’s fidgety today.

“Hey.” I get up from my desk, although I’ve no idea why. Sliding my hands into my trouser pockets, I jerk my chin. “What’s up?”

How fucking lame?

“Nothing. I just…” She sighs. “I’ve been avoiding you, and I’m sorry.”

My crooked smile gives me away. “It’s me who’s been avoiding you.”

We stare at each other for a second, then both burst out laughing. The tension hovering in the room evaporates.

“Can we talk?” Rebecca asks. “I’ve got a couple of hours free. Daisy had a routine vet appointment, and Vicky offered to take Isla with her.”

“I’ve got a better idea.” I slam the lid on my laptop and grab my jacket. “It’s almost lunchtime. How about a picnic in the gardens? It’s a nice day.”

She breaks into a smile. “That sounds great.”

“Let me get changed. I’ll ask Bea to arrange food with the kitchen staff, and I’ll meet you downstairs in fifteen. Sound good?”

“Perfect.”

I get Bea on the case, then shoot back to my rooms and change into jeans and a casual T-shirt. I feel like a teenager excited for his first date, except my first date ended in disaster. I’m hopeful this one will be more successful, though I wouldn’t call it a date per se. More a clearing of the air and maybe finding a way forward. Whether that’s on the path I’d like to walk on or the original path Rebecca and I agreed upon a few months ago, well, that’s up to her. I won’t influence her either way.

Even if it kills me.

I arrive first, but it isn’t long before Rebecca joins me. I pick up the picnic basket, and we head to the back of the house to the lake I used to swim in with my siblings when I was a kid. The grounds out here are manicured and extensive, and there are plenty of nooks and crannies where we can enjoy some privacy.

I choose a spot beneath an ancient oak tree. From here, the house isn’t visible, which means we can’t be seen, either. After shaking out the picnic blanket, I indicate for Rebecca to sit while I spread out the food. There’s far too much for two. At least we won’t go hungry.

“So, about Sunday.” Rebecca sighs. “I’m sorry I bailed on you. I panicked.”

“It’s me who owes you an apology. We made an agreement, and I broke it. I crossed a line I shouldn’t have, and now I’m afraid I’ve ruined everything.”

“You haven’t ruined anything. It was unexpected, that’s all.”

“I was afraid you’d think I’d taken advantage of a happy moment, what with Isla talking and all. Has she said anything else?”

Rebecca nods, animated. “Yes. She said ‘bear’ and ‘block.’ You know how she loves those building blocks. Oh, and ‘bed’ when she was tired last night. It’s not much, and it’s also everything. I can’t wait to tell her therapist at her next appointment.” She looks up at me through lashes I swear grow longer every time I see her. “I stand by what I said, Tobias. This is all down to you. And so we’re clear, there was no taking advantage of me. I wanted you to kiss me.”

“Because you were grateful?”

She shakes her head. “Because you’re different.”