Page 145 of Pretender

“Sounds familiar,” I mutter.

“You don’t have to walk in those footsteps, Aiden. You choose your path.”

“You’re right. Thank you, Mum.”

Although the insistence not to walk in his shoes is kind of what got me in this mess. A self-fulfilling prophecy.

“I’ll never ask you to share everything with me,” Mum says. “But I want you to remember this.” She shifts on the bench, facing me, holding my hand between her small, warm ones. “Giorgio was a wonderful dad to you, and a beautiful, generous, caring, and warm life partner for me. Did he make mistakes? I’m sure he did. Was he that lovely man every single day? No. And I wasn’t sunshine Amara for him every day. We are complex creatures, Aiden. It’s possible to be a magnificent person who also makes mistakes. It’s how you deal with those mistakes that defines you. And you’re a fighter with a strong heart, Aiden.”

I exhale, hope blossoming in my chest. I made a mistake. Just a normal flawed human.

This can be worked out. It’s the only outcome I will accept.

“I’m well aware that because of my job, because we’re darker than the average Cambridge family…” Mum shakes her head. “You were the only black-haired, golden-brown child in that classroom and the teachers struggled to see past that, and past our social status,” Mum says brushing a hand over my cheek. “You had to work so much harder than everyone else, and you always did. Without complaints. I’m not sure you even realised, it just became second nature to you, but I watched you grow into this respectful, kind man and I couldn’t be prouder of you. You were the best friend to Mark and the other boys, a sweet romantic, such a fun little boy … and you always helped me out at home, even after hours of homework that you hated to do.”

“Still hate that part of my job,” I say, and we laugh together.

“You might call my spending all my spare time with you a sacrifice, but don’t you see—you are my favourite human to be around. I loved being there for you and with you. I chose you, Aiden. And it was important for me to love you enough for me and your father, and he loved you so, so much.”

“Thank you, Mum. I don’t know what else to say. Just… Thank you. You have no idea how much those words mean to me.”

We sit for a moment, my hand between hers, birds chirping around us, and there’s the sound of men chatting, clanking metal and laughter from the garden behind the wall. Sounds like they’re setting up a marquee.

I guess I’ll find out.

“Let’s head back, I’m thirsty,” Mum says.

“Okay.”

We stroll back, arm in arm, and a part of the weight on my chest has lifted. I will be able to talk to Linnea. I will get it all out.

“Your father would be so proud of the man you are, Aiden.”

The fight with Linnea flashes across my mind. I’m not sure how true that is right now… He might recognise himself a bit too much. Did he regret his choices?

“I hope he will be, after I talk to Linnea when she arrives… If she’ll still come.”

“What are you on about?”

“I’m not sure she’ll want to see me, Mum. I’m really sorry I’ve brought this on your wedding day, but that’s another reason why I had to tell you now.”

“She’s been here since Wednesday, darling.”

I stop at the edge of the courtyard. “She’s … here?”

Mum nods.

“Right now?”

“Yes.”

The shock of her words rushes through my gut, and I can’t move a single step. I thought I’d have a night to man up. To prepare more. Or something.

I’m terrified of fucking this up.

The sun catches on a blond head of hair exiting the garden gate across the courtyard, and my chest constricts. I try to inhale but the air feels stuck. When I finally manage to, it’s less a measured breath and more like a rattling gasp.

The adrenaline still surges through me, my heart pounding into my ears, but right now I’m in freeze mode.