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“That’s a stupid answer. ”
It is what it is.
“I don’t want to be who I am,” Mike said.
Who do you think you are?
“I…I’m a monster. Isn’t that what Tow-Truck Eddie called me? The Beast?”
Damn, son, you can’t listen to what that fool says. His mind is on fire.
“So’s mine!” Mike pawed a tear out of his eye. “I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to be who I am. I don’t want that man to be my father. ” A sob broke from his chest. “I want my mom!”
He fell to his knees but the edge of the drop-off crumbled under him, the soil washed out of the roots by all the recent rain. Mike cried out and spread his arms to catch the tangled weeds at the edge of death and the moment froze. Even the crows in the trees held their breath as natural erosion nearly did what Tow-Truck Eddie and Vic and all of Griswold’s armies could not do. Mike fought for balance and nearly—so nearly—fell.
But he didn’t fall. He heaved himself backward onto the grass and fell flat on his back, staring up through the spider-web tracery of the barren trees at the stars above.
It’s not your fault who your parents are, said Mr. Morse.
“It’s not fair. ”
No, it ain’t.
“I don’t want to be like him. I can’t be like my father. ”
Then don’t be.
Mike sat up slowly. “What?”
Don’t be like him. Don’t be like Vic. Don’t be like your mamma, either.
Mike said nothing, listening.
None of them know who you really are, Mike. They want you to be like them, but they’re afraid that you won’t be. You hear me, boy? They are afraid that you won’t be like them.
“Afraid? That’s stupid. Who would be afraid of me? I’m no one. ”
In his mind Mr. Morse laughed, all the crows sent up a cackle. Who do you want to be?
“I…,” Mike’s voice failed. He had no idea how to answer that question. Instead he lay back and asked, “Why are they afraid of me?”
You know.
“No I don’t. ”
Yes you do. Look inside, Mike. It’s gonna hurt—but they already done hurt you worse than anything else could do. You want to know why they’re afraid, just open up and look deep inside.
“I don’t know how. ”
I can help you, if you let me. You got to trust me.
“I’m scared. ”
So am I, son. So are we all.
Mike lay for a while and watched heaven spin on its axis. The birds rustled and whispered to one another; Mr. Morse held his tongue.
“Okay,” Mike said at last, and it took nearly everything he had to say that one word.
