Page 23 of I Love You, It’s Ruining My Life

I pinched the bridge of my nose, closed my eyes, and forced myself not to scream. I didn’t need this to turn into a giant scene that'd become the newest piece of town gossip — especially when Jack was determined to make my worst-case scenario even more of a disaster.

“That’s completely inappropriate,” I snapped. “I think it’s in your best interest to shut up and sleep this off.”

“Please, I didn’t even drink that much,” Jack argued, “And maybe if you answered your phone, I wouldn’t be here. So… really it’s your fault, because if you didn’t want me to interrupt you playing house with Julia’s replacement…”

“Jackson!” I snapped, his full name almost being enough to get him to stop.

“Oh, so scary,” he mocked, “Like I said, I don’t blame you. Nalini probably planned it anyway. You know, that’s why we broke up? She was so in love with you, she tried to use me to make you jealous. That’s why you actually moved here, right? How long before she started blowing you? A week? Two? Desperate…”

Water splashed all over Jack’s face; the clear liquid dripping down his unkempt hair like a waterfall, which meant one person: Nalini. Cassidy was behind her, tears streaming down her face. I didn’t know how much either of them heard, but it was too much. Enough for Nalini to forcibly shut him up. Enough, I could physically see how Cassidy had started backsliding on the progress she’d made.

“You,” Nalini seethed, her voice low, and I wondered if she was planning to murder Jack, “You’re leaving. Now.” She was gripping the glass so tight her hand shook — and I was afraid it’d crack and cut open her palm. The shock, at least, was enough to get Jack to stop talking. Not that it could get any worse at this point.

“I’ll take him to the inn,” Nalini said, yanking Jack off the chair. “Thanks for the invite. Sorry, the day was ruined.”

I wanted to apologize; I wanted her to know it wasn’t her fault. But as she shoved Jack into her car and gave me a sorry wave, it was obvious she’d placed all the blame on him. It wasn’t the first time Nalini had seen Jack this destructive — after all, he’d been the one to make her a villain for the RaineFall fans on a whim. And while I’d always known he was self-destructive, the way he that talked about Nalini, I understood why she was convinced he wanted to ruin her life. And yet, while he’d insulted her ten different ways, she was the one making sure he got somewhere safe while I took care of Cassidy. It showed exactly the kind of person she was, and it wasn’t the one Jack had described.

I watched her yell at him as she pulled out of the driveway, and I was sad to see her go. Sad, another holiday was ruined by my brother.

But mostly, I was devastated Cassidy had now seen this side of him. I took a few breaths, setting aside my feelings for the moment so I could take care of my daughter. I didn’t want to see how badly my brother had hurt her; I didn’t want her to be in pain. I gritted my teeth and went to her bedroom — pushing open the door she hadn’t quite closed all the way.

The last time I’d seen Cassidy cry this hard was when I told her Julia died. She was shaking, using her pillow both as something to cry into and something to hug. She hadn’t heard me come in, or she’d ignored me. I couldn’t tell which. I sat on the edge of her bed, letting her cry it out as I rubbed her back. I knew she’d have questions, but I wanted her to get this out of her system and calm down enough to understand the answers.

“Are you dating Nalini?” Cassidy asked, her voice so quiet I almost missed it.

“I’m not,” I answered, “She’s just my friend.”

“Then why did Uncle Jack say she was replacing Mom?” she sniffled, rolling over so she could look up at me.

“Uncle Jack…” I sighed, trying to figure out where to begin. “Has a lot of really bad habits. One of them is when he feels bad, he wants other people to hurt too — so he doesn’t feel it by himself. He’ll say horrible things, and he’ll start fights, and then he’ll feel better because he’s not the only one hurting anymore. And I've worked really hard so you wouldn’t see him do that. I know you love him a lot, and I didn’t want him to hurt you like he did today.”

“Oh,” Cassidy whispered, wiping her nose on the back of her hand.

“Yeah,” I nodded, “and him doing that? It’s not okay. What he said to Nalini and me, that wasn’t okay either, and I’m sorry you heard it. But nobody could ever replace your Mom. You know that, right?”

“Are you going to date, Nalini?” Cassidy asked, and it should've been an easy question to answer. The answer was obviously no. But saying it something in my gut wouldn’t let me. Something I didn’t quite understand.

“Are you scared of me dating someone?” I asked instead of answering — deciding it was better to figure out if the issue was the idea of me dating, or if it was about Nalini in general, or some combination of the two. It was Cassidy’s turn to pause, and I realized the situation might be as tricky for her as it was for me. That her mixed feelings were as tricky as mine.

I didn’t know what it meant for us, other than we’d need to talk about it later. Once emotions had settled down, and we’d both had a chance to think about what it'd mean for us.

“I can’t promise I won’t date someone in the future,” I finally said, “but it needs to be the right person, for both of us. I’m never going to try to replace your Mom. But if there’s someone that I really like and you really like, we might create something new. It’ll still be a family, but it won’t be exactly how things were before. But anyone who doesn’t accept your Mom was a big part of our lives, or someone who doesn’t like you, is never going to be my girlfriend. That, I will promise you.”

“Do you think Mommy would be okay with that?” Cassidy asked, sounding so much younger than she actually was.

“I do,” I answered, pulling her into a hug, “She wanted us to be happy, and she told me if there was someone who made us both happy, we had her approval.” Cassidy nodded at me again, snuggling closer as we sat in silence. It was melancholic, nothing like I’d wanted this Thanksgiving to look like. And as terrible as it was, I was glad to have this conversation with Cassidy. I didn’t know how much today would hurt her in the long run, but I hoped we’d be able to move on without too much damage.

Chapter seventeen

Nalini

After forcing Jack into the bedroom at The Inn-Between with strict orders not to leave the room until he sobered up, I was exhausted. I asked Mrs. Peters, the ancient owner of the place, to let me know if Jack started causing issues and sat in the silence of my car. I wasn’t surprised to hear what Jack had to say about me, but I was surprised at how loud his words echoed through the house. And once Cassidy started listening, there was nothing I could do to stop her.

Jack had tried to pick a fight the entire car ride, and the strong scent of whisky had me fighting my gag reflex the entire time he was next to me. I was furious at how he’d talked about me, how he treated his brother, and most of all, the fact Cassidy had heard everything. And yet, despite how much pain Jack had caused, I felt bad for him. The version of Jack I knew was self-destructive, but he'd also been full of life and charisma it was hard not to forgive him. Now, he was just a shell of his former self.

It took twenty minutes of sitting in silence in the parking lot before I drove home to my apartment, and another twenty minutes of convincing myself it was safe to go in without having to clean up another of Jack’s messes.

It’d been an emotional day: both the highs and the lows, and the awful reminder that my fears about the Raines were, in fact, valid. It was horrible, and somehow at the same time not as bad as I’d expected. It'd stung, but it was also predictable.