Page 50 of I Love You, It’s Ruining My Life

“I promise,” I smiled, meaning every word with my whole heart. I’d never connected with a kid like I had with Cassidy, and no matter what happened with her father, I wanted to stay some sort of mentor in her life, no matter what that'd look like in the long run.

The night was quiet. Jack’s ride had picked him up, and Noah and Cassidy had both crashed hard. I was doing a final spray of Sylvie’s tank to keep up the humidity for the night. Kam’s arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me closer to him, just as I’d finished locking the tank shut.

Sylvie gave a flick of her tongue, and Kam tensed up, despite the fact she was just doing regular snake things and not trying to threaten him. I wasn’t sure where Kam got the idea a four-foot ball python could eat him, and Sylvie wouldn’t even know how to start if she tried. And she was perfectly happy with her rats — she didn’t feel the need to try human.

“Merry Christmas to you too, Sylvie,” Kam said through gritted teeth, and I chuckled as he at least tried to accept my baby. Eventually, I’d help him get over his fear of snakes. It just looked like that wasn’t going to be today.

“I have one last present for you, but I didn’t want to give it to you in front of everyone,” Kam said, and a sudden jolt of panic went through me.

“Please tell me it’s not lingerie,” I immediately demanded, and Kam choked in surprise. I might've thought about sex once or twice as my body decided to let me know I did have the emotional connection I wanted with Kam, but it didn’t mean I was ready for that step yet.

“What? No!” Kam exclaimed, immediately mirroring my panic, “I didn’t think we were there yet. Or at least I’m not there yet. Why would you… oh... OH. No, that wasn’t what I meant at all.” Despite everything, it was hilarious to see him as flustered as I felt. Another thing we were on the same page about without even realizing it.

“Okay, good,” I sighed in relief, “I’m not there either. And honestly, I haven’t gotten there in most relationships I’m in; I just need a really strong emotional connection and…”

“Same. Actually,” Kam interrupted, giving me a knowing smile. One I hadn’t expected to ever see from a potential boyfriend, the kind I’d only ever gotten from Peri — the only person I’d never had to explain what being on the ace spectrum was like. “I’m somewhere on the demisexual spectrum,” he continued, “I’ve never really thought much about it.”

“I am too!” I nodded, and I’d never felt more relief in my life. Kam had already been willing to take things slow for me, but the fact he understood it? The fact I didn’t need to lay things out for him, or explain how hookup culture wasn’t my thing. I wouldn’t have to worry about the inevitable fight about me being a tease and how it wasn’t fair I wouldn’t sleep with him.

He got it, without me explaining. He’d wait until I was ready, and I’d wait for him. It was simple and yet so monumental — it was how things should be instead of how they’d always been for me.

“Okay, with that cleared up,” Kam said with a smile, “One more absolutely-not-lingerie present.” He led me to his room and pulled a shopping bag out of the closet. I recognized the label, and I didn’t need to open it to tell me what was inside; I already knew.

“I honestly wasn’t sure if I was going to give it to you yet,” Kam blushed, “but it felt right. And even if you say you don’t have anywhere to wear it, you still deserve the dress. Who knows? Maybe you’ll get nominated for Teacher of the Year and have to go to that gala.”

“This is insanely overdressed for the Teacher of the Year Gala,” I laughed, despite the fact my stomach was fluttering with an eruption of butterflies, “but thank you. I didn’t realize you caught on to how badly I wanted it.”

“Of course I did,” Kam assured me, “I saw the way you looked at yourself in the mirror, and how you glowed wearing it. It was just awkward timing since you’d just lost everything when I first bought it and…”

“Thank you, Kam,” I smiled, kissing him. “It’s perfect.”

So perfect, I almost believed that we could work everything out. So perfect, I wanted to see how things played out between us.

So perfect, I was terrified that things were going to go wrong. Soon.

Chapter thirty-eight

Kameron

The week between Christmas and New Year’s felt like it wasn’t real. It was full of leftovers, entirely too many board games, and Cassidy trying (and failing) to teach Nalini and me Dice & Dragons. The more she tried, the more confused I ended up, until I was lectured by my 10-year-old about how I didn’t understand dragons or magic and was banished from the table.

Honestly, I wasn’t sure what about dragons I didn’t understand, because outside of the name of the game, there hadn’t been any mention of them at all.

However, while we’d relaxed, I had more things to do than I could count. There were workers to manage, and I’d ended up sneaking out to see how the preparations for the surprise were going. Mary-Marigold assured me the money was there to handle it, and I believed her. Her husband was glad I was getting done one of the projects he’d campaigned on. But I’d vastly underestimated how much time completing it would take. And on top of it? I was volunteered to set up booths all over the park. But Nalini barely noticed, as she’d started lesson planning and getting ready to go back to work.

I knew it’d only been a month since Nalini had moved in, and I knew she was still looking for her own place. But I’d miss having all this time together. I’d miss listening to her typewriter, and our daily lunches together, and maybe I’d also miss how much she adored Sylvie. Even if she made me nervous.

I wished I’d gotten a chance to spend most of this week with her, but instead I was in the park. Running a skeleton team in setup, making sure everything was ready for the small — but very hyped — festival. I couldn’t blame Mary-Marigold for delegating things to me, but as everyone kept saying I was young and helpful, it meant I was doing so much more than I’d originally signed up for.

It felt like a test, one that passing meant the people I’d grown up with would no longer look at me like I was a threat. One where I knew they’d work to protect Cassidy and me as long as we lived here against whatever might come. It was necessary.

And I hated it.

I was getting constant questions I was certain I’d answered before. I’d been in charge of making sure that the vendors showed up with the tents, tables, and chairs.

And now, I was in the park, in the snow, making sure everything was being set up properly. Snow was constantly coming down, and there wasn’t enough coffee in the world to warm me up. It didn’t matter how many layers I was wearing, or that these snow boots mentioned a million times they were supposed to keep liquid out. My socks were wet, my inner layers were wet, and the snow kept getting in places snow should never be.

“Do you think people will mind that it’s not as big as normal?” Mary-Marigold asked, looking at the tents. There were still plenty of games for kids to play, we’d hired some food trucks as a substitute for the food stands, and there were so many family activities I was certain you could still get through the Festival without doing everything. I couldn’t imagine how big the Festival had gotten that everyone thought this was too small.