Page 53 of I Love You, It’s Ruining My Life

“I’ll tell you what I need, and you can figure out the rest,” Mel said, “Because unfortunately this is the sort of thing that will take on a life of it's own if we don't stop it. First, a definitive answer on if RaineFall is getting back together.”

“Mel, that’s not fair,” I snapped, “Jack’s still in rehab, and while I could set up a meeting with him and Noah at the hospital, that seems like putting a lot of stress on a decision when he needs to focus on his recovery.”

“Don’t worry, you’ll hate the second thing more,” Mel said, her straightforwardness grating against my ears, “I need a statement about you and Nalini. I don’t care if it’s about the fire, or if you want to announce you’re together, but I need something. The picture’s grainy enough we could say you two were talking so nobody else could hear. Silence will fuel speculation, especially when Jack isn't speaking out. And you both need to do a factory reset on your phones and change your passwords, just to be on the safe side.”

“And when does this need to be done?” I asked, already feeling overwhelmed.

“Today, if possible,” Mel said, “sorry to ruin your holiday, but I’d rather get ahead of this.”

“Comes with the job,” I groaned, but I didn’t want to wake Nalini up, not when she was about to wake up to her worst nightmare. It was the one thing she didn’t want to happen, the one thing she feared by us being together, but unlike last time, I was going to do something about it. I needed to work with her so she wasn’t thrown to the wolves. I needed her to know what she wanted was important, and I was willing to do whatever I could to make it right.

I opened my phone to see how bad the damage was, and it was better than I’d expected. Surprisingly, most of my fans were upset about the leak; having noticed I’d wanted privacy with Julia, they thought it should still apply now. There was some judging and saying it was too soon for me to date, while a much larger passionate crowd was telling them to mind their own business. It was helpful that most people were actually advocating for my privacy — a giant change from when we'd first started, and nobody believed we should have any.

But the biggest piece of news was the song. It overshadowed everything about Nalini and me, igniting a firestorm of people hoping this was an announcement. I couldn’t remember the last time a song I’d written was this well received, and seeing so many people hoping for more was a great way to show I still had it. Even if I'd wished it was on my own terms.

I knew I had to wake up Nalini; I knew I had to burst the bubble we were in.

But first, I had a phone call to make.

“Hey Silas?” I said as soon as the mayor answered the phone, “I didn’t think I’d be calling in this favor so fast, but can you get the paparazzi out of my driveway? I refuse to put Briar Hill through this again.”

Chapter forty-one

Nalini

Iwas having a panic attack.

I couldn’t breathe; the nerves connected to my lungs were aching for oxygen that somehow wasn’t coming in from my hyperventilating. The walls felt like they were closing in, and I needed to make myself small to keep from being squished to death. I needed to disappear from the world, and yet, every single muscle in my body was frozen.

It was happening again. From the moment I let Kam back into my life, the anxiety of this exact thing had been building. I’d convinced myself I was overreacting, everyone I knew was convinced I was overreacting, and yet it'd happened anyway.

I didn’t know if there was a hacker, or if it was a legitimate leak. The photos of us at the Festival were uncomfortable, but we were in public; it was like we were asking for it. And even though I'd told myself I was okay with my neighbors seeing, I didn’t think it’d be the entire world. Not yet. But the video? It could've only been leaked if they had access to my or Kam’s texts. It was unsettling and violating, the way someone had combed through my private information.

And if they had the video, what else had they seen? What else did they know? Misty had been convinced nobody was spying on me, but this practically confirmed I was right. I'd wanted my suspicions to be something my anxiety had made up. And instead, I had my personal business going viral.

Again.

I didn’t know if they knew my passwords; I didn’t know if my phone was the problem. For a moment I wondered if my phone was cloned, but that felt like something out of a spy movie and not something that would’ve happened in real life. At least not in Briar Hill.

Despite the anxiety spiral I couldn’t get myself out of, I was glad Kam told me. It was better than finding out myself; it let me panic here instead of in front of the photographers. He was sitting on the piano bench across the room, while I curled up into a ball on the bed. I didn’t want to take it out on him, not when he was as much of a victim in this. I let my long hair curtain over me, hiding me enough so I couldn’t see anything.

I had to remind myself I wasn’t alone this time. I had a warning; I had Kam here actively trying to help. There was a plan to keep me as out of it as possible, even though I hated this plan. The goal was to make it a nonstory: that if we just talked about me being homeless, the rumors would go away. I hated the idea of the entire internet pitying me for losing my house. I hated that I was scared of letting the world know Kam was mine.

There was so much back and forth going on in my mind. One moment, I wanted to tell the world about us, the next, I wanted to hide in a blanket and never come out. One moment, I wanted to step into this life I’d started to create; the next, I wanted to run away and pretend the past few months hadn’t happened.

“Nalini,” Kam finally said, his voice soothing and calm, “I need you to tell me where your head’s at.”

“I don’t know,” I whispered, not sure if I even could make my voice louder while it felt like an elephant was sitting on my lungs. “It feels like it’s all happening again. And I’m going to have endless paparazzi refuse to give me a moment’s peace. But I’m also angry. For both of us. For not getting a choice in how we wanted to navigate things.”

Life wasn’t supposed to be made for consumption, even if someone was famous. People deserved their privacy, and having a meltdown behind closed doors because someone had literally been spying on them shouldn’t be normal. I was glad I didn’t see the CelebScoop post, but I was still afraid to check my social media. Even though I’d set everything to private, I knew there were enough people who might be tagging me with questions.

“Are you okay?” I asked, figuring Kam would be able to give me a litmus test of what I was supposed to feel.

“Am I okay?” Kam repeated, before shaking his head, “Am I okay with being spied on, having a personal video leaked, and having photographers stalking me outside my home? No. I’m not. I’ve worked so hard to make Briar Hill feel like home again, and I don’t want to lose my privacy now that I’ve finally convinced everyone I’m not here to ruin it.”

I’d forgotten that Kam’s anger wasn’t obvious; it was subtle, internal, and cold. His voice was filled with a quiet ice instead of a raging fire, and it was terrifying to see. Most people would miss it, but it was clear to me he was seething.

“How do we make sure this doesn’t happen again?” I asked, finally able to breathe deeply enough my heart stopped pounding.