Page 55 of Buzzer Beater

“It stands for Polycystic ovary syndrome. It’s another difficult disease with a lot of symptoms and very little doctors can do for me.”

“I remember back then, you had some anxiety.” I nodded when he paused. “Is it still bad?”

“Yeah. It’s been made a lot worse with all of this.” I let out a sigh. “I keep it together ninety percent of the time, but I’m so tired. Of all of it. I just wish I was healthy.”

He shook his head. “I never would have known.”

“That’s the problem with autoimmune diseases. It’s the body attacking itself from the inside. People look fine on the outside, but their body is at war with itself. Aside from my weight gain and some temperamental skin, people wouldn't know.”

Which I appreciated most of the time. I didn't want people to know. I didn’t want the judgment or the pity, but sometimes I wish people understood. I wish my coworkers knew I wasn’t being slow on purpose; my body was just exhausted. That people looking at me didn’t think I was lazy or unhealthy, but that I ate a strict diet and worked out several times a week. That I cried at least once a week at what my body had become. I just wanted them to understand.

He reached out and took my hands in his. “I’m sorry you’ve been going through this. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”

He looked down at our hands.

“It wasn’t your path, Colin. You were destined for this.”

He met my eyes. “It should have been ours. Us together.”

That’s what I’d always believed, but things happened this way. I couldn't say it was fate, that felt cruel. It just was.

Plus, there was one thing I hadn’t told him. Something that gave me peace in the end. Colin always wanted one thing more than anything else. Even a hockey career. He wanted children. His own children. With Hashimoto’s and PCOS that wasn’t something I could promise him. It wasn’t impossible, but it definitely wasn’t likely. I couldn’t take that away from him. I wouldn’t ask him to give that up for me.

My body was the enemy, and it wasn't something that was likely to change.

“I think it worked out just the way it was supposed to.” I forced a smile and stood, walking back to the van not caring if I had to wait there for hours. Colin would go back to his friends then in a few days he would go back to his life. He might think of me, of this week, for a little while, but he’d move on.

16

Colin

I went back down and joined the group like nothing had happened. I doubted Lucy wanted me to share what she’d told me. Part of me was dying to get back to the hotel and research her conditions, but the other part realized this trip was a once in a lifetime experience with these guys. I needed to enjoy it.

After a diving contest, cannonball contest, and floating on our backs soaking in the view of the jungle coming in on us we finally headed back to the vans. Everyone was laughing, smiling, and seeming to have a good time.

Great. This was the point of the whole trip.

I just wished I felt the same.

Funny how this was all my idea, and I’m the one that can’t relax. Karma. A huge dose of karma.

The drive home passed quickly. I fell asleep with my head against the window and woke as we pulled up to the resort’s lobby.

“I call the shower.” Grant yelled the words as he slid open the van door and hurried off.

Emma slid out next and waiting for Olli to get out before peeking her head back in. “We’ll do dinner in an hour, so get cleaned up and meet at the Japanese restaurant.”

I nodded then realized she was looking behind me. I turned to see Amber and Lucy smiling. “We’ll be there.”

I got out and caught up to Emma. “Was that a personal invitation to them, or was that for everyone?”

She eyed me. “Did you talk to Lucy?”

“I did.”

Her eyes narrowed. “And you cleared things up?”

I shrugged. “I think so.”