Page 27 of Open Net

I nodded and squeezed her hand back while staring out at the view of the city below. “I hate to admit it, but I think I’m going to need you guys more than ever.”

She sat forward and stared at me. “Why would you hate to say that? We’re family and we’ll take care of you.”

I blinked back tears.

“The whole team is behind you and will be with you through all of this. Everything will work out.”

I wanted to believe her. My sanity depended on it.

Marie glanced at the house. “Do you want to head in? Everyone is worried about you.”

I nodded and let her pull me up by the hand.

“What were you doing out here alone anyway?” she asked.

“I just needed to think. A moment by myself.”

She stopped and gave me a serious look. “I know this has been a lot this week.” She laughed. “That’s an understatement. Your world has turned upside down, but all you have to do is ask. Actually, with most of us you won’t even need to ask. You’ll probably be begging us to leave and give you some privacy.”

I shook my head, “Trust me, that’s not going to happen.”

It felt strange reaching out and admitting I needed help. I was the one who took charge. I was the one who got things done but the roles were reversed now. Having a baby was harder than I thought it’d be. It was completely different than everything I expected. I didn’t know how to ask for help for myself, but I knew I could ask for help when it came to Olli.

The team knew what they needed to do to help him. They’d been through this before. Even though it was a shock to me, Coach and Madi and the team would know what to do.

Marie led me inside where the rest of my friends were gathered. They all smiled when I walked in. Chloe stood up and offered me a plate of food that they brought over. I took it, realizing that I hadn’t eaten since maybe last night. That was another problem, I was forgetting time. It’s like everything got away from me.

I couldn’t remember the last time I showered or the last time I washed my face. All I could handle was making sure that Jackson was okay. That he was fed, and his diapers were changed. Beyond that I couldn’t handle anything.

“Thank you.” I took it from Chloe and moved to the bar and sat down.

Olli lay on the living room couch watching Sports Center with most of the guys sitting and standing around him. His leg was propped up with an ice pack resting on his knee.

I was grateful someone had taken care of Olli. I knew I should’ve been the one to do that instead of running away and hiding on the porch. This is the first time in my life I felt like I wasn’t capable of taking care of him or myself. Thinking about the innocent baby that could be affected by my incompetence made me want to scream inside. There had to be something I could do to feel better but what if this was normal? I didn’t want to sound like a crazy person. I couldn’t call my doctor and tell him I felt weird or lazy. He’d laugh at me and tell me of course I did. I just have a baby and I was recovering from a C-section. It was all normal.

Conversation carried on around me, but I felt like I was far away. I tried to nod and smile as people talked but I wasn’t hearing their words. I felt like life was happening, but I was just an observer. I wasn’t participating anymore.

I finished my food and threw away the plate. Chloe caught and dragged me away from the rest of the group. “I know you have a lot going on right now and I would ask anyone else if I could think of someone, but I need your help.”

This actually seemed to break me out of my fog. “What is it, Chloe? What’s wrong?”

She smiled nervously. “When you ask like that it feels silly.”

“Chloe, just tell me what it is.”

“I need help planning the fundraiser this year.”

It took me a second to think of what she was talking about then I realized the beginning of the season was here. It was time for the team’s fundraiser. Chloe managed it every year and I jumped in to help when she needed small things, but she never asked me for help like this.

“Of course, what do you need help on?”

She sighed. “My assistant’s pregnant. She’s already done a lot, but she’s going to have the baby before the fundraiser, and she’ll be on maternity leave on the night of the gala. I know you have a lot going on right now, and I hate to ask this, and the rest of the girls are already pitching in where they can, but I still need some help.”

I squeezed her hand. “Of course, I’m going to help you Chloe. Just let me know what you need done.”

Her shoulders relaxed. “Oh, thank you so much. I was so nervous to ask.”

I hated that she felt that way. “I’m here for you. We’re a team and a family. I’ll do whatever I can to help.”