Page 36 of Open Net

I smirked. We haven’t had a Russian on the team in a few years, but they were pretty entertaining, especially when you got them mad. Hopefully, Nikolay would be too.

One of the younger guys, Tyler, was introducing Nikolay to the rest of the team. When he got to Derek, my replacement, I watched and waited.

“Nikolay, this is Derek Aston. He’s our goalie.”

If I could have run, I would have and punched him square in the face.

Derek, the cocky idiot he was, just smiled. “Nice to meet you, man.”

Nikolay nodded.

They continued around the room, finally getting to me. “Olli, this is Nikolay, he’s on defense.” He turned to the new guy. “This is Olli, he was our goalie, but he’s injured right now.”

I glared at Tyler hoping he felt the pain I was trying to inflict upon him with my mind. “I’m still goalie, Tyler. Or do you instantly lose your position if you’re not on the ice?”

Hartman cleared his throat next to me while Tyler opened and closed his mouth.

“Cause if that were the case,” I said, “you’d be the water boy.”

Nikolay turned from me to Tyler. Laughing, he jabbed a finger on Tyler’s chest. “You the water boy?”

I started laughing too as Tyler’s face reddened. I glared at him once more before turning and hobbling over to the training room.

I might have laughed but there was nothing funny about being replaced. I’d been on the team since Tyler was in high school. I shouldn’t let the dumb kid’s words get to me, but it was my breaking point for the day.

Jackson wasn’t sleeping and I knew Emma needed my help, but the stairs were still off limits for me. I wanted to be there for both of them, but I was failing. Each time he cried out, it felt like a punch to the gut. A reminder of how I was failing him and Emma. I’d tried to convince her to use the portable crib, and move them both downstairs, but she’d told me he slept better in his room. She was already working on a sleep schedule with him, and worried a change in his environment would undo any progress.

Losing sleep and living with the burden of letting my family down was more than enough for me to lose it, then on top of that there was the pressures of the team. Knowing I was letting the guys down made life unbearable. Each game that passed with Derek Aston in the net instead of me killed me just a little bit more.

Coming in to news of a trade, being completely out of the loop, wasn’t something I was used to, and it wasn’t something I wanted to ever get used to. It stung.

I hated feeling like I was this easily replaced.

Madi walked into the training room looking as cheerful as always. “Hi Olli, how are you doing today?”

I tried not to glare but fell short.

“Yikes,” she said, “what’s wrong?”

I let out a sigh and sat on a bench. “What isn’t wrong?”

She dropped her bag and put her hands on her hips. “Geez, I wish you had warned me today was going to be a woe is me day. I would have come prepared with chocolate or ice cream.”

I glared at her which made her smile.

“What’s going on?” she asked.

“Emma’s exhausted and I can’t help. Jackson is crying more and more than ever. I thought he was supposed to get better as he got older, but it’s getting worse. I know it’s wearing Emma down, but she’s just barely getting through it.” I shook my head. “All without me.”

She sat across from me and leaned forward. “We’re all here to help, Olli. If you guys need more help you just need to ask.”

“I can’t ask any of you to spend the night and lose sleep with us. You all have your own lives.”

She sighed. “You’d be surprised what we’d be willing to do for you guys. I know we’ve each tried talking to Emma to see what else we can do to help, but she tells us she’s fine. We can’t help if we don’t know.”

I studied her face, trying to figure out if she was being honest or just saying these things to be nice. I closed my eyes and groaned inwardly. Madi had never been one to say things she didn’t mean. I knew her offer was valid.

I opened my eyes. “Thanks, but I’ll have to convince Emma it’s okay to ask. I know she feels like she’s a burden to you guys, so getting her to admit to needing more help will be a stretch.”