Page 65 of Open Net

I nodded, but she continued. “You two need each other. You’re both suffering.”

She was right. I knew I needed Emma. I’d realized that within hours of leaving. She was my universe. The one thing that truly mattered. I’d give up my career, the money and the fame, for her. I knew that, but I wasn’t acting like it. I wanted to come home but judging by how she reacted to me at the hospital, I knew it wasn’t an option. At least not yet.

“I’m not condemning you for leaving,” Janice said. “I know Emma’s not either. Things reached their boiling point and you made the decision to remove yourself from the situation.” She shot me a stern look. “I’m not particularly happy with the fact you walked out on my daughter and grandson when they needed you, but I do understand you did what you thought was best in the moment.”

I was glad she understood without me having to explain my reasoning. “I didn’t want to, Janice. I love Emma more than anything in the world. I miss her and Jackson every second of every day. I could see myself going down a dark path though. I was losing control and the last thing I wanted was to hurt either of them.” I sighed and leaned back. “I thought leaving would make her happier.”

She watched me for a moment before breaking the silence. “I get it, but it wasn’t the right decision. If Emma had told you to leave, then sure go stay with a friend. But she didn’t. She needed you.”

I closed my eyes as the guilt set in. I never meant to abandon her or Jackson. I thought I was protecting them.

I gazed at her mournfully. “I don’t think she wants me back.”

“Not yet.”

I sighed. “I want to come home.”

She smiled a fraction of an inch. “Good. Tell her that. Ask her what you need to do to regain her trust. Ask what she needs from you.”

“Okay.”

Jackson’s cries sounded over the baby monitor and Janice stood but I jumped up and headed to the stairs. “I’ll get him.”

When I opened the door to the nursery and peeked into the crib my heart broke. I’d been gone for only a week, but he was already so much bigger. I picked him up and cradled him to my chest. “Hi little man.”

His cries quieted, but he was still fussy. I looked around for a hint of what to do. “Is it your diaper?”

I patted his bottom but couldn’t tell. “Let’s check.” I set him down on the changing pad and unswaddled his blankets and unsnapped his onesie.

“Oh boy.” I waved away the stench that greeted me as I opened the diaper. “You’ve been saving that for me, huh?”

Once he was changed and wrapped back up his tiny cries slowed. “Are you hungry now?”

I knew I should be able to judge this on my own by now. Emma probably understood what each cry meant.

I headed back downstairs with him tucked against my side. Janice was standing in the kitchen shaking a bottle.

“I had a feeling he’d want this,” she said.

“Thanks.” I took the bottle from her and held it up to Jackson’s lips. He immediately responded, chowing down like me after a game.

I smirked. “He’s got his dad’s appetite.”

She laughed. “Oh, you have no idea. I swear he eats as much as a one year old.”

Her comment stung. I didn't have an idea because I wasn’t around. Even before I left, I wasn’t much help. I’d let Emma and the Pride take care of him thinking I was too immobile to help.

Jackson guzzled the milk and I burped him successfully before sitting down and resting him on my lap. I could tell he was drowsy from his afternoon snack, but I wanted to watch him. I took in his blue eyes and tiny nose. Memorizing every detail of his perfect face.

I knew I’d have to leave soon, I didn't want to be here when Emma got home in case it upset her that I was here, but I didn't want to leave my son.

I deserved this. It was payment for walking out.

The garage door opened, and I twisted at the waist to see Emma walking in, alone. I was surprised none of the girls were with her, but I guess it made sense since her mother was here. They probably wanted to give them time alone.

She paused when she saw me but didn’t react. I stood with Jackson in my arms and smiled. I was going to follow her lead. If she seemed uncomfortable, I’d go.

“Hey.”