Page 26 of Full Strength

Was he saying he loved me? I looked up but he was staring straight ahead. Of course, he wasn’t. He was speaking generally.

“I know. I’m too prideful for my own good.” He laughed and turned to me. “If letting people help means getting a solid night’s sleep, I might have to consider it more often.”

He smiled at my joke and nodded. “I think that’s a good idea, and speaking of letting people help you. I have something to tell you.”

“What?”

‘I um…” His voice trailed off and my heart lurched up and froze in my throat. I had a horrible feeling about what he was going to say. Too many possibilities ran through my head. “I was cleaning up a bit last night and I came across something I probably shouldn’t have seen.”

I ran through the house in my mind. Did he see my underwear or something?

His eyes darted to the counter. The exact spot where I set my mail. My heart sunk and I closed my eyes praying he wasn’t about to say what I was thinking.

“I saw the past due notice.”

I starting shaking my head, hoping he’d just stop there.

“I called the company.”

“No.”

“I got you up to date and paid through next month.”

A tiny part of me was relieved. That burden was lifted, but that thought was quickly overtaken by shame. He knew I was struggling. He knew I couldn't do this on my own. He pitied me. He fixed my mistakes.

“I knew you’d be angry with me, but Addison, I needed to help. If I could take one thing off your shoulders then I had to.”

I finally gave in and looked at him. His eyes were pleading with me. It was too much. Now I was indebted to him. I owed him something I’d likely never be able to repay. I didn’t have that kind of money. It would take me months to save up and that was only if nothing surprising came up, which was impossible with a baby.

“Grant.”

“Addi, please don’t be angry. I did it for you, yes, but also for Eli. I wanted you to be able to focus on him. Take time off if you needed to spend time with him. I know it’s a big deal and you’ll probably hate me for going behind your back, but it was something I was able to do. I had the power to take one stress away from you. I had to.”

I met his eyes and sighed. “No, you didn’t. It’s my job to worry about Eli, not yours. It’s my job to provide for us. This is my responsibility.”

I watched him sink down with each word. I knew I was reacting dramatically. Any other person would be relieved and grateful for someone to step in and pay off some of their debt, but I wasn’t like those people. I didn't take handouts. I worked hard and made things work.

“Addi, it’s done. I just wanted to help.”

I shook my head. “Thank you for staying last night and helping with Eli. Thank you for paying my rent. Now, please leave.”

His eyes met mine and I saw the confusion and pain that I’d caused. In his mind he’d done the right thing, but he admitted he knew it wouldn’t be what I wanted. He knew he was going behind my back. He knew I’d be angry, but he did it anyway.

“Addi.” He reached for me but I shifted away from him. “I’m sorry.”

Without another word he stood and walked to the front door where he slid on his jacket. He turned and looked at me with sad, defeated eyes and let himself out.

I blinked away the tears in my eyes and stared down at Eli. He was all that mattered. He was my whole word. I did every single thing in my life with him in mind. I consider how every decision would affect him. I tried my very best to make sure I did what was right for him. I felt that standard had steered me in the right direction, but why didn’t it feel like it now?

Why did I feel hollow?

He stirred in my arms and frowned.

Could he sense Grant was gone? Was he as heartbroken about it as his mother?

9

Grant