Page 59 of Drop Pass

“Fourteen.”

Her head shot up and she looked at me. “You were only fourteen?”

I nodded. “He convinced me to go. He said it was my time. I didn’t want to leave my sisters, but he said they would understand.” I swallowed the thick knot in my throat. “I was eighteen when he passed. I couldn’t be away from my family then, so I asked to get moved to a team in Moscow.”

“Was that hard to transition back to being at home?”

“It was. I wanted to be at home, taking care of them, but Mama made me live in the city so I could still play. She didn’t want everything I worked for to go to waste.”

“I’m sure that’s what your dad would have wanted.”

“That’s what she told me. It didn’t stop me from feeling guilty.”

“I understand.” Her tone was so soft. I knew she wasn’t just saying that to be comforting. Something told me she’d gone through something similar.

“When I was drafted to the KHL they were so proud of me. Luckily, I was still close to them and I made more money than I needed. I was able to help pay for things for my sisters so Mama could quit one of her jobs.”

“How many did she have?”

“Three.”

She sagged against me. “Your mama is amazing.”

“Yeah, she is.”

“How did they react to you getting moved here?”

I smiled. “They threw me a party. It was my dream to play in the NHL. My dad played for the KHL too, but always wanted to make it here. I did it for him.”

She twisted and smiled up at me. “I’m sure he’s so proud of you.”

“I hope so. I hope I’m not disappointing him by leaving them behind.”

Her eyes searched my face. “You can’t possibly think that. You’re doing everything you can to help them.”

I sighed. “Sometimes it doesn’t feel like enough.”

She moved to sit up, her knees under her while she faced me. “Nikolay, you’re one of the best men I know. You do so much for others, never thinking about yourself. I know how much you love your family. They know it. I can tell each time they talk to you. You need to cut yourself some slack.”

I nodded, but dropped my eyes to my hands. It wasn’t easy for me to talk about my feelings, especially about my shortcomings. Showing weakness wasn’t something I tried to do.

“Thank you.”

Her fingers grazed my jaw, turning my chin toward me. “You’re a wonderful man, Nikolay. They’re lucky to have you.” She paused looking away for a second before meeting my eyes again. “I’m so lucky to have you in my life. I know you don’t let many people in, so I really appreciate that I’m one of the few.”

I reached out and pushed my hand through her hair, wrapping it around the back of her neck. I leaned over and kissed her. She saw through all the barriers and walls I built around myself. She saw past the façade, and still wanted to be with me.

Her breath caught as I lifted my other hand and slid my thumb along her jaw. My lips followed the trail. I kissed her neck, feeling her quickening pulse against my lips. “Thank you.” I whispered against her ear before she turned and captured my lips with hers.

Her hands were in my hair and around my shoulders. The world drifted away. All worries and fears disappeared and it was just me and her.

19

Elena

I woke up confused. I wasn’t in my bed. Or my apartment. I looked around and froze when I saw Nikolay’s arm across my stomach. I slowly sat up, trying to not wake him. He was still sitting up, his chin resting on his chest. I’d fallen asleep with my head in his lap and he’d never moved.

Guilt washed over me. He was going to be so sore.