Page 14 of Power Play

“So, you just decided to continue to ignore me?” His logic was more twisted than my own.

“I don’t know, Taylor. I was eighteen, and my life was moving in fast forward. I had no control over my days. I just did what I was told.”

I cocked my head. “So, you didn’t even think about me?”

“I thought about you and missed you every single day, but what was I supposed to do? Bring you into my mess?”

“You mean your life?” I nearly shouted. I swallowed, trying to get myself under control. “You might have been lost and overwhelmed, but I was at home waiting for you. Missing you. I knew what you would be going through, and I wanted to be there for you. I texted you every day. I wanted you to know I was rooting for you, but you couldn’t take ten seconds to reply?”

“Each day it got worse.”

“What did?” I asked.

His eyes met mine. “The pain. The guilt. It got to the point that I was ashamed of myself. I knew I was hurting you, but I didn’t know how to get out of the hole I’d buried myself in. I told myself you were fine, that you were busy and better off without me.”

“So, you knew those were lies?”

He rubbed his face. “Yeah, on some level I knew I was lying to make myself feel better.”

All the pain and frustration from that summer crept back in. I wanted to hug that broken, hurting version of myself. If only I’d known what he’d been thinking. Would it have helped to know he was hurting too? I probably would have driven to his parents’ house and demanded he get over himself. Instead, I beat myself up. I told myself I wasn’t worthy of him. I didn’t deserve him now that his dreams were coming true.

He did that to me. He broke that girl when he left, and forced her to accept that the world was a cruel place.

I’d trusted him. I’d loved him. And he’d destroyed me.

Not anymore.

“You can keep telling yourself that if you need to,” I bit out. “I survived. I’m fine.”

I rolled my shoulders back and stared him down, daring him to challenge me. He looked away and sighed. The waiter appeared and set his meal down, but Jason didn’t move.

“You said what you needed to say, and I got the residual anger out of my system last night. We’re good now.” I scooted my chair back to stand, and his hand shot out across the table.

“Please don’t go. Not yet.” The misery in his eyes was too much to ignore, so I nodded and remained seated.

“I thought I’d moved on.” He squeezed his eyes shut, taking a moment before speaking again. I held my breath, wondering if he’d bring it up. What I’d do if he did. What I’d do if he didn’t. It took me by surprise when he said, “I know I have no right to ask anything of you, but will you catch me up? I want to know how things turned out for you.”

He was correct. I owed him nothing, but I wanted to tell him. I wanted to show him that I was just fine without him.

“What do you want to know?”

He smiled just a little and sat up. “Did you decide on majoring in graphic design or drawing?”

I sucked in a breath. He couldn’t have known how painful that topic was for me. I spent two years dragging my feet, fighting between pursuing my dream and being realistic. It was his desertion that helped me choose. Dreams were just that. Illusions, fantasies created by our brains. They weren’t real. They weren’t something to chase after.

“Accounting actually.”

His head shot back as his brows raised. “Really? Why? You love art. That was your obsession when we were together.”

“I was always good at math.” I shrugged.

“But you never liked it.”

I rolled my bottom lip between my teeth, reigning in my impulse to chew him out. “It’s a solid career choice. I’ll always be able to find a job, and once I had finished the tax classes, it wasn’t as boring as I expected.”

He didn’t speak for a few seconds. “That’s good. I’m glad you found … something.”

“Yup.”