Page 32 of Game Misconduct

“I know that feeling all too well.” I sighed. Maybe that was why we clicked so easily. We saw a piece of ourselves in each other.

His sorrowful eyes locked on mine. “I’m not sure I can keep up the act anymore.”

I didn’t know what act he meant, but I leaned forward and took his large, calloused hand in mine. When his body sagged at the contact, I knew I was on the right path. “Then stop. At least around the people closest to you. Let yourself be who you really are. Your friends and family will love you no matter what.”

I waited, wanting to go at his pace. He came here to talk. All I had to do was be patient and listen.

“I’m trying.” He tightened his fingers around my hand. “I feel like I can be myself with you.”

“Me too.” I never felt like there was anything but a genuine connection between us.

“I don't even feel like that at home. I have to keep pretending and playing the role that’s been constructed for me.”

“At home? You mean with Parker?”

He ducked his head. “And any of the guys that lived with me before him. I wanted to live alone for a few months, but Chloe called and said Parker was in a jam, so I agreed to let him move in.” His shoulders slumped and met my eyes, “Don’t get me wrong. I like him. It’s just I wish I had space to myself.”

I could understand that. There were a few weeks before Jess moved in that I was alone and it was really nice until I got lonely again.

“What role do you feel like you’re playing?” I pressed, hoping it wasn’t too soon to ask.

He rolled his lips together so tightly they turned white. “I’ve only told a few people this.” He sucked in a breath and slowly let it out. “I’m gay.”

I waited for him to continue, but he watched me without breathing. “Okay.”

His eyes widened. “That’s it?”

I nodded. “Yes?”

He let out an enormous sigh. “You’re not going to freak out?”

“Nope.” I smiled just a bit at his confusion. My heart ached that he was so afraid of sharing this part of himself with me. I didn’t want to think about what made him so hesitant. “Mitch, that’s one part of you. It doesn’t change who you are or how I see you.”

He turned his head away from me, and the tension and weight that he’d walked in with slowly lifted from his shoulders.

“Do the guys on the team know?” I asked.

“No.” He stared out the balcony windows. “My family does and most of my friends at the boxing gym.”

It was a relief that he had some support.

“I was told by a coach when I was young, maybe twelve or thirteen, that I couldn’t come out to my teammates. That it would make them uncomfortable or alienate me from them.” He cleared his throat. “I know that isn’t right or how things should be, but it stuck with me. The last thing I ever want to do is make any of them see me differently.”

I scooted closer and squeezed his hand. After a second, he finally faced me. “If any of them do, that’s on them, not you. Plus, you’ve been sacrificing your own comfort for how many years? I think you should give them some credit. I have a feeling they’ll react better than whatever you have created in your head.”

He didn’t say anything for a moment. “You’re probably right.”

I waited until he met my eyes. “I’m not saying you have to tell them. That’s one hundred percent up to you if or when you tell them, but I really think they would like to have the option to support you.”

He leaned back against the pillows. “I didn’t mean to keep it from them for this long. It’s just none of them ever asked, and I didn’t feel like I had to tell them. Now it’s been two years, and the longer I wait, the bigger it feels.”

“I’ve felt that before. Something small just grows and festers until it’s this monumental thing in your mind.”

“Exactly. I wouldn’t even know how to try to start now. I don’t want them to think I was hiding it from them, but I guess I was.” He paused. “It’s something to worry about at another time. I’m glad I told you though.”

“Me too, Mitch.” I wrapped my arms around his middle, holding him as tight as I could.

“You’re still my highlander.”