Page 64 of Cheap Shot

Would I ever be able to tell him? Or anyone?

I hadn’t said the words out loud in almost a year. I’d been able to lock the memory away and push it to the very back of my mind. Reid was asking for me to pull it back up and open up that box. It was too painful. Too humiliating.

All the work I’d done to get to this point was at risk of being undone if I told him. Hours and hours of therapy were forgotten. The meditation and journaling to work through what happened felt like it was all for nothing.

I couldn't tell him about it, and he was the person I trusted most here.

I wasn’t healed. I hadn’t really worked through anything if I couldn't talk about it. I was letting him win.

The control I thought I gained was all a facade. I was ignoring my problems, pretending like I’d overcome them, when all I was doing was hiding.

I dragged my feet down the hall and stopped at my door, staring at the lock, not wanting to go in there to a dark, empty room. I glanced down at the girls’ closed rooms. I needed friends. I needed someone to talk to about all of this.

As if they could sense me, Ella and Sadie’s door opened, and four heads popped out.

“Haley?” Krystal called. “Can we talk?”

My pride wanted me to walk straight into my room and block them out, but it wasn’t what I really wanted. I’d hear them out and then decide whether or not to forgive them.

I dropped my shoulders and closed the distance between us. They shifted back into the room, and I closed the door behind me.

“Thanks for coming.” Sadie pointed to the end of her bed. “You can sit if you want.”

I pulled myself up and leaned against the wall, keeping a distance between me and Cassie who was leaning against the pillows.

Ella and Krystal sat on her bed across the room, and Sadie took one of the desk chairs. She glanced around before speaking. “I’m sorry about what happened.”

I cocked a brow. “Are you sorry you used me or that you got caught?”

She ducked her head, and Cassie spoke up. “It wasn’t just her. I don’t want you to put all the blame on her. The RA told us about you before you moved in. Although to be fair, she told everyone that Ethan Clarkson’s little sister, Haley, is moving in.”

I cringed. So, I never even had a chance. The whole floor had known who I was before I even got here.

“I’m really sorry.” Ella clutched a pillow against her chest. “I think it looks more malicious than it really was since we let so much time pass. It wasn’t like we were only interested in getting close to you for your brother.”

“Yeah, I’ll admit that we were interested in that,” Krystal agreed. “But we talked about wanting to invite you out after we saw you. You looked kind of sad and lonely, so we decided to try to get to know you. It just happened that you got to us first.”

“So, you pitied me too?” I bit out.

“No, that came out wrong.” Krystal looked around for help.

“Oh, stop,” Sadie spoke up. “We wanted to reach out and be friends. Yes, you looked lonely, but we all saw ourselves in that same position last year. We recognized how you were feeling and wanted to be there for you.”

“It didn’t make sense to us,” Cassie said. “You’re the little sister of one of the most popular guys on campus, yet you were always alone. We didn’t get it. So there was added curiosity.”

“How else are friendships supposed to start? There has to be some interest.” Sadie shot me a look. “Isn’t that why you approached us?”

I gave in and nodded.

“We didn’t bring up your brother because you never did.” Ella leaned forward. “Then, we got to know you, and we all clicked. That was real, Haley.”

“I admit, I saw the poster and thought it would be a chance to bring up the topic. I didn’t realize it was such a sore spot for you, but I should have. You didn’t talk about him for a reason, and I should have respected that.” Sadie said.

“We were curious about your brother and the team, but once we meet and hung out, we just wanted to know more about you.” Cassie smiled softly. “But we should have been more direct.”

I appreciated them telling me the truth, and it made sense that they were curious since they knew about my brother, but I never brought him up. I probably would have wanted an explanation too. I looked at each of them and could tell they were being honest.

“You asked why I came here if I didn’t want to be in Ethan’s shadow?” They nodded. “It was the better of two really bad options. I left my previous school, and my parents gave me an ultimatum that I could either stay at home and go to the local school or transfer to where my brother was.”