Page 55 of Trick Play

I missed him. I missed the confidence he gave me.

Seeing the utter loathing in his eyes was the worst kind of punishment, and there was nothing I could say to make things better between us. I broke his one and only rule. Don’t hurt Kenny.

All he did for me, and I couldn’t do that one thing for him.

I let him down in a way that was completely unforgivable. If I was in his shoes, I would have done so much more than yell and glare at me like he had today.

But he was a better man than me.

He knew silence could be infinitely louder than words. His cool indifference cut like a white-hot blade.

Kennedy tried to defend me, or console him, but I didn’t deserve it.

I’d been delusional lately, thinking she could ever forgive me or that we could move past this.

Kissing her felt as necessary as breathing, but it had been another mistake. I never should have put her in that position. It would hurt us both. The universe gave me an opportunity to make things right, as well as I could, before she graduated, and I never saw her again. That was all, but I was greedy and trying to take more.

This wasn’t about me or what I wanted. I couldn't let this chance slip away without making things right.

“As fun as it is to discuss your nonexistent dating life, let’s rotate.” Benjamin stood between us, and I offered him my band before picking up dumbbells.

He told us about some of the freshmen Coach was having him work with and how amazed he was they even made it this far.

“I mean, there was no way any of us were that bad.”

Hunter shook his head. “No way. I watched you running drills with them on Sunday morning. It was like they picked up sticks over the summer and decided hockey sounded fun to try.”

I cringed. I hadn’t been paying much attention to the babies on the team. Once again, too lost in my own drama to notice what was going on around me. We were winning our games, and I was doing my job. What else mattered?

Well, for the captain, a whole lot more.

“Coach brought them on for a reason.” I shrugged.

“Donor money?” Hunter teased.

Benjamin laughed. “No, I don’t think so. He has to see something that I haven’t yet. It’s not all of them. Just five or six that can’t get their crap together.”

“Stage fright?” I guessed.

“Maybe.” He didn’t seem convinced. “It’s a huge jump from high school to college. They might not be used to the crowds.”

“I know one didn’t have a high school team, so he was only getting time with his traveling team. This is a pretty big change from the few parents that want to make the commute to an arena of your peers,” Benjamin said.

“Yikes. I guess that would be enough to freak out someone.”

“I’m trying to work with them on it, but if you guys could figure out something to make them more comfortable, that would be a huge help.”

“You got it,” Hunter agreed.

“Yeah, whatever you need.” I was already thinking through what I could say when the ease of that whole conversation hit me.

Benjamin opened up to us, told us what challenges he was facing, asked for help, and we agreed without hesitating.

Could it really be that easy?

But this was different. It was hockey. Our team. This wasn’t personal.

Not to me.