Page 42 of Tell No Lies

With new resolve, I walked into my room but soon stopped. Carter was sitting on the edge of my bed, looking down at his clasped hands.

He apparently heard me and met my eyes. The little fact that I had only a towel around me slipped my mind.

“Carter?”

His cheeks flushed when he took in the sight of me before looking back at his hands. “I want to talk …”

I nodded, even though he wasn’t looking at me, and hurried to my closet to change into sweats and a tank top. When I returned, Carter was still in the same position. I debated whether or not to sit next to him but decided distance might be necessary and instead took a seat at my desk. I stared at his profile, waiting for him to speak. His blond hair was getting long. A few rogue strands formed a wave that fell over his eyes. I fought the urge to move to him, to run my hands through his hair and look into his eyes. Another fantasy that would never come true.

“I don’t know what to say.” He didn’t move, didn’t look at me. He might not have even intended to have said it aloud.

“What do you want, Carter?” I wondered if he could sense how much I meant with those words. My heart was beating against my chest. I had spent the past thirty minutes convincing myself of my feelings for Mike; now I was practically begging Carter to tell me he had feelings for me too.

“It doesn’t matter what I want. Not anymore.”

Something inside me snapped. “Stop. Please, just stop with the vague, moody B.S. You can’t keep going back and forth and dragging me with you. You kissed me, Carter. You also avoided me after. You’re my hero when I need you, then you tell me to go be with someone else. Just stop it.” I felt like a fool for allowing the flood in my eyes to break. I thought I was done crying over him. “If all you are is my friend, fine. If you want to be another big brother, fine. If you want to be something more, fine! But I need you to decide what you want and finally follow through.”

I felt like I’d just finished a five-mile run from the way my heart was slamming against my ribs and how shallow my breathing was. I waited for any sign that he’d heard what I said.

Finally, after too long, he turned his head toward me. “I can’t have you, Aubrey. You’re my best friend’s seventeen-year-old sister. Do you know how many things are wrong with that?” I could see pain that matched my own in his eyes.

“I know.” My voice was barely a whisper.

“Then you know that nothing can happen between us. Despite how strong my feelings are for you, how you’re the only thing I think about, how much the idea of you being with someone like Mike kills me, I can’t be with you. I just want you to be happy.” His voice cracked when he said those final words.

I’d always known that heartbreak hurt. It was pretty self-explanatory. I felt it when I found out Derek had cheated on me and when Luke dumped me right after formal. But this was something else: a deep physical pain that brought me to my knees. I didn’t remember how I went from sitting on my chair to the fetal position on the floor. I didn’t remember crying. All I could feel was my chest collapsing in with such an immense pain that I’d never before experienced.

My sobs must have reached Brandon, since he was suddenly next to me, lifting me up, and laying me on my bed. I felt his hands brush my hair away from my face. He was speaking, but I heard nothing. That was when I realized I was breaking down in front of him over his best friend’s denial of my love.

☼ ☼ ☼

Dance … Mike … my friends.

I repeated this mantra in my head on my way to school. Even when I picked up Mckayla, I kept my mouth shut and ran through my short list of things I was allowing myself to think about.

She took one look at me and sat back without an attempt to chat.

The silence was broken once I put the car in park.

“Who kicked your puppy?”

Snapping my head toward her, I noted her concern.

“Seriously? What’s wrong? Yesterday you were floating around on cloud nine, but now you’re … well, this.” She waved her hand up and down in front of me with an air of disgust. “You could have at least tried some concealer on those bags. How long were you up crying?”

I pulled down the visor to check how bad it was. I hadn’t bothered this morning with makeup, or brushing my hair for that matter, but I hadn’t thought anyone would notice. She handed me a compact, which I accepted gratefully. As I dabbed powder under my eyes, I could feel her eyes drilling into me.

“Your first official day as Bayview’s new power couple, and you show up looking like you just got dumped. Did you?”

“No.” My voice came out as barely a whisper.

“Then why do you look like you’ve suddenly given up? Is this what Mike gets after weeks of chasing you?”

It felt strange that this was something that truly mattered to her.

Some crazy person was still out there watching me, dance competitions started this weekend, and my heart was one twisted mess, yet I was supposed to pull myself together for appearance’s sake?

Mike could only be seen with the pretty, put-together version of me?