Page 85 of Outlaw Ever After

“Why do ye keep doing that?” he said, eyes trained on her stomach.

“Doing what?” she breathed.

“Does yer stomach ail ye?”

Another tear streaked down her cheek and she blinked it away. “The preparation for this tournament t-took much out of me.”

“Liar,” he growled.

“Stop interrogating me,” she snapped with growing vexation.

“Nay until ye be honest with me.” God he was a plaster saint, but he barreled onward as she pinched closed her eyes, shaking her head. “Nay until ye tell me why ye keep pushing me away, until ye tell me why ye didna wait for me, why ye—”

“I was with child!” she blurted out.

Silence rang like kirk bells. Winded, he grappled for breath. Whose child? And then his eyes lifted to hers as everything fell into place. Was . And if she’d been convalescing at the abbey unwell, it meant…

“Ye left me with child and nary a single word, and unwed, I, I was sent—” she breathed feebly now, her voice shuddering.

She’d been sent to the abbey. For care and anonymity.

“The babe,” he breathed, dreading the answer.

“I lost it.”

He’d rooted his seed within her, a family she’d wanted so badly to start. He’d seen glimmers of that lass tonight as she’d styled Gertie’s braid and tied a corn doll in it, like a maw with her daughter. To think she’d nearly had that dream until…he’d nay come for her.

It mattered nay his reasons… Oh God…

“Songbird,” he croaked.

The past crashed down on him. No wonder her distrust. He dragged her to him. No wonder that light had faded from her eyes. His hold tightened. No wonder she’d tried to marry quickly. No wonder she’d felt as if she had no honor.

She nestled into his chest, and his heart broke when it should be soaring that she was finally coming to him for affection. Because he didn’t deserve her.

“I agreed to marry,” she murmured, “to protect my people from the shame.” He clenched her harder . “But then I miscarried, and needed the nuns’ care—”

“I nay deserve ye,” he whispered, voice thickening, as his beard brushed over her skin and his hand knotted in her hair further.

Dampness stained his tunic. Her tears, the dam leaking, the pressure to let it out gaining strength, yet she pressed her ear to his lips as if aching to hear him.

“Ye were gone and, and my clan’s honor hinged on me and my honor had never been in question before because no one kenned about the reaver,” she breathed against his neck as if breathing in his scent.

“Stop implying ye’re dishonorable—”

“I didna want to feel anymore.” Silence.

He couldn’t breathe. To think this gentle lass had been filled with such despair.

“The summer festival was like a dream that had been too good to ever come true for me and then it was ripped away whilst ye went on with yer life with whichever maid suited ye and I…”

He froze at her words. She assumed he’d forsaken her.

He gripped the sides of her head, hurt lancing through him. “Christ, sweeting, is that what ye think? Do ye nay ken that a songbird in a greenwood bloody ruined me and I have nay lived since?” He jostled her subtly, wishing he could drive into her heart and mind how desperately he’d searched, not finding her until he’d been meant to by those fickle fates? “How could a man want another when ye were destined to steal my heart? I want that life with ye, lass. More than anything.”

More than this castle?

She closed her eyes, as if daring to breathe her biggest fear into existence. “But what if I can nay carry?” Silence. “How would I ever endure such loss time and again?”