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She sighed. “You’re right. I tried to get her to look for you, to find you, but she didn’t want to interrupt the important work you were doing. But Alyssa isn’t here anymore, and she wanted you to have Mariana.” She produced an envelope from the folder with my name on it. “She left you a letter. I’m going to say goodbye to Mariana, for now, and don’t you even think of keeping me from her.”
“You’re family to her, then you’re always welcome. I guess.”
She let out a bitter laugh. “See? You’re learning. Good luck, Grant Lucky Lopez.”
“Hey. What’s your name?”
“I’m Luna.” Then she was gone and as I watched her slow, sluggish footsteps towards the little girl, I realized how hard this was for her too.
Inevitably I thought of how significantly my life had just changed. A father. In charge of a child, responsible for her well-being. This wasn’t the same as leading a unit, as taking care of my guys. This was a little girl, a child who would rely on me for everything.
Then another thought came unexpectedly. I missed so much. She was seven years old and we were strangers, expected to now live together, share a living space and a home. To learn to love each other.
Shit, I’m not ready.
It was a lot to take in, and I gave myself a long moment to think. To plan.
Brenna
A child.
Grant is a father. No, not just a father, he is the father of this precious little girl with big sad brown eyes. And his identical dimple in her cheek. There it was, the deep dark secret that I’d been waiting for, only it wasn’t all that deep or dark. Grant had a surprise kid, that’s all.
She looked up at me with curious eyes and gave my hand a small squeeze. Her pigtails were crooked and she had chocolate ice cream smeared across her rosebud lips. “What should we fix first, your pigtails or the chocolate on your face?”
Instead of answering, Mariana swiped the chocolate with the sleeve of her denim jacket and realized her misstep. “Oh. Sorry. Auntie Luna said not to do that.”
I shrugged. “That means I get to fix your hair.” I turned her around and put her on my lap. “Your hair is beautiful. So soft and thick.”
“Are you my new mama?”
“No honey, I’m not. But I can be your friend since it looks like you’ll be staying here for a while.” I knew Grant well enough to know he wouldn’t abandon his child now that he knew about her. “There, your hair is all fixed.” I pulled a mirror out of my purse and let her inspect my handiwork.
“Thank you, Miss.”
“Call me Brenna. If we’re gonna be friends, then you have to call me Brenna.”
She turned with a small smile. “I’m a kid. We can’t be friends.”
“Who says?”
My question confused her and Mariana shrugged. “I dunno, but grownups and kids aren’t friends.”
“Then maybe you and me can be the first? I don’t mind if you don’t.” The little girls’ eyes were so damn sad it was enough to break your heart, and if she needed a friend to ease her pain, I could be that for her. “I’m so sorry about your mama, Mariana. You must miss her a lot.”
She nodded and tears formed in her eyes. “I do.” The tears fell and I wrapped her little body in my arms, absorbing the pain that shook her tiny frame.
“You know you can always talk about her when the missing gets to be too strong, that way it’s like she’s still here in a way.” I rubbed gentle circles in her back and let her cry on my shoulder until she was all cried out. “That’s what I do with my grandmama. I remember her all the time and most days I don’t feel so sad.”
“You do?” She pulled back to look at my eyes, to make sure I wasn’t lying to her.
“Heck yeah, I do. She taught me to line dance and to do hair, so every day when I go into my beauty salon, it’s like she’s there with me, laughing at the town gossip and complaining about the pink dye one of my clients requested.”
Mariana nodded as if she understood and I hoped she did, because grief was a son of a bitch that would take you down if given half the chance. “Mama was a bad dancer.”
I laughed at her words and noticed the angry, sad woman had returned. “No one is a bad dancer, some just dance to their own beat.”
“No, Alyssa was a terrible dancer,” the woman added with a sad smile. “But she loved to dance and that made it endearing.” She turned her gaze to Mariana. “I’ve got to get on the road kiddo, but I’m gonna miss you.”
