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“Most days I feel like I’m doing it wrong.”
“That’s normal and it’s how you know you’re doing it right.” Brenna bumped her shoulder against mine, her smile encouraging. “Keep trying and keep showing up. She’s already warming up to you.”
“Is she?” I shrugged, not used to feeling to unsettled around any female, let alone one I was now in charge of. “Half the time I think she’s waiting for me to tell her she can’t have something and the other half I think she’s surprised that I’m still here.”
“Loss will do that to a kid. It’s not you, Grant. It’s losing her mother. It’s up to you now to teach her that everyone doesn’t leave.”
“You’re pretty smart, you know that?” And when she fluttered her eyelashes prettily, it brought home that she wasn’t just smart, she was also beautiful and funny. And intoxicating.
“I found two more Dad, is that okay?” Mariana looked up at me expectantly, waiting for me to tell her she was costing too much, asking too much, and it broke my heart a little.
“On one condition,” I told her with a smile.
“What’s a condition?” Her gaze bounced between me and Brenna, confusion dipping her dark brows into a frown.
“It means you can get the books but only if you agree to my thing.”
She took a wary step back and nodded. “Okay.”
“We read them together.” All the parenting books I’d read said it was important to have routines and to spend time together each day, just the two of us.
“That’s it? You want to read these kid books with me?” I nodded and her confusion deepened. “Why?”
“Because my mom used to read with me and we had a good time. She would do voices and dramatic pauses, and when I was a little older than you are now, she would ask me questions about the stories and we would make up our own. I thought maybe we could do something like that.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, Mariana, really.”
It came slowly, but the smile spread across her face was genuine and shocked. “That sounds like fun.”
“Good.” I held my hand out for the books and went to make the purchase, glancing over my shoulder occasionally to see her and Brenna deep in conversation about something. “Okay, what’s next?”
“I’m hungry,” Brenna said abruptly.
“Me too!” Mariana jumped up and down. “They have fried tacos here,” she said to Brenna. “Fried. Tacos.”
Brenna tossed her head back and laugh, taking Mariana’s hand in hers. “Oh honey, you’re just learning about birria tacos? Then let me be your teacher because you are in for a real treat.” Mariana looked up at her like she was the wisest woman in the world, eyes full of wonder and anticipation. “I don’t know about you, little girl, but I love food that lets me be my messy self.”
“You like to be messy?”
“Oh yeah. I despite having to be all prim and proper when I eat, especially when I crazy hungry. Like now.” She bent down and whispered the last two words like they were conspiring together and Mariana ate it up.
“Me too. I’m starved,” she said dramatically.
Brenna looked over at me and shrugged. “You heard the girl, Grant. Feed us.”
It took about five minutes, but we found the infamous fried taco stand and then a small table where the two females devoured their food, mostly in silence. “Oh. My. God. This is soooo good,” Mariana proclaimed after her second taco, her smile stained with the red dipping sauce. “So good.”
“Right?” Brenna let out a laugh around another bite of taco and then returned to her role as teacher. “Now, when you get near the end, tip the bowl like this so you can dip the taco and pick up little bits and bops at the bottom.”
Mariana followed suit and groaned. “Yum!” She looked to me and her smile widened. “Do you like it Dad?”
“Not as much as you too, but it’s delicious.”
Brenna scoffed. “Your father was in the Navy and he’s used to things being neat and tidy. These tacos probably offend his sense of order.”
“It does?” Her innocent question brought a smile to my face.
“I’m just used to doing things a certain way, that’s all. But I was in the military because I believe that you should enjoy things the way you like, as long as you’re not hurting anyone. So, get as messy as you want.”
Her shoulders fell in relief. “Thank you for your service. Mama says its important to thank our military for lettin’ us be free.”
“You’re welcome, honey.” I risked a look at Brenna who had a hand to her chest, obviously touched by the tender moment.
“You are just the most precious thing ever! I swear.” She shook her head and offered up the last fried churro to my daughter. “A reward for being such a sweetheart.”
“Thank you, Brenna.” She broke it in half and handed part of it back. “We can share.”
