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“You won’t.”
“How do you know that?” I fire back, not angry with him, but angry with myself. I could lose her, and it’s all my fault. “I don’t deserve her,” I mutter.
“Who says who deserves who?”
“I’m the devil. The tyrant. I’m what her nightmares are made of. She would be better off if I took the bullet and was out of her life.”
Lorenzo steps up to me, his hand reaching out and touching my shoulder. It’s a strange move between boss and employee, but as my friend, as my family, I welcome the comfort right now.
“Who told you that?” he asks. “Not her. She loves you, man. She stepped in front of a bullet for you.” He breathes in deeply. “We were all wrong.”
“Most of all, me.”
“It wasn’t just you. It was me, Roberto, and it was Luka too. We all felt betrayed. We all thought—”
“It doesn’t matter, she trusted me, and I let her down,” I cut in, not willing to hear anything but voice my own pain, my own guilt.
“Well then, you spend the rest of your life making it up to her.”
“I will.”
“She’ll be okay.”
“I hope so.”
Because I don’t want to live in a world where she doesn’t.
We spend the next few hours in the same state. Dried blood on our clothes, pacing the room. Then the door swings open, and my doctor walks toward me.
“She’s out of surgery. Thankfully, there were no complications. We got the bullet out, and we stopped the bleeding. We were able to get her all stitched up and close the wound, but she needs to rest.”
“She’ll be okay?”
He nods. “She’ll be okay.”
I continue to pace back and forth. I’m not sure how long I pace, but eventually, the door opens, and one of the nurses pops her head out this time.
“You can come in and sit with her now, Mr. Amante.”
Making my way into the room, I take the seat beside her bed.
“Viviana.”
Beep.
“Please wake up.”
Beep.
“I’m sorry.”
Beep.
“Please open your eyes.”
Beep.
“I don’t know how to do this.”
Beep.
“I don’t know how to live without you.”
Beep.
“I’m so sorry,” I choke out. “I should have listened to you. I should have let you explain. This is all my fault. It should have been me. I should be dead. . . You saved me.”
39
Viviana
* * *
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
The sound of a machine plays through my dream, beckoning me to wake up.
I try to open my eyes. I try to push through the pain, but my lids are too heavy.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Mustering all the energy in my body, I try again. This time my eyelids flutter open.
“Matteo . . .” They flutter open, and Matteo comes into focus.
I have never seen him look like this. He looks devastated and completely distraught. “I . . .” The words I want to say won’t leave my mouth. Instead, my voice cracks, my throat burning in pain.
“Shh. You don’t have to speak. Rest. You need to rest.”
I blink my eyes at him. What happened? One minute, I could see my fate, he wanted me dead and the next . . . Jonathan.
“A-a-re you h-hurt?”
Matteo leans forward and places a kiss on my lips. “No, baby, I’m not hurt. You saved me.”
Everything comes rushing back.
Panic starts to engulf me.
Is he here?
Did he die?
I can’t breathe. It feels like someone is stomping on my chest.
“You need to calm down. Breathe, Viviana.”
His hand touches my cheek, and I try to move away.
Matteo wanted to kill me. He was taking me back to kill me.
“What’s wrong?”
My head shakes back and forth. My heart pounds in my chest, causing the sound of the machine to go crazy.
“Please calm down. This isn’t good for you. No one will hurt you again.”
“You hurt me,” I whisper. “You were going to kill me.” Tears pour down my face. “Why am I here?”
He reaches out and takes my hand in his. “You’re here because you saved me. You’re here because you were right. You’re here because I love you.” I must look stunned because he lifts my hand to his mouth. “I do. I love you. It took me a long time to realize, but you are everything to me, Viviana.”
“But you wanted to kill me.”
“I didn’t truly. I thought I could. But when I pulled the trigger, I realized I loved you. I was too scared to admit the feelings I had. Too scared to allow myself this, but when I saw you lying on the ground, I realized I would do anything to protect you.”
The room goes silent. His confession heavy in the air. My own declaration weighs heavily on my tongue, but I’m not sure if I can tell him. If I can trust him with my heart again.
“You don’t have to say it again. I heard you. I was an asshole, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t. It doesn’t mean that your words are not forever engraved on my heart.” Sometimes I forget that Matteo can see through me. He sees everything. The only time he was blind, it was because he thought I betrayed him.
