Page 55 of Given Our History

“I’m not going to,” I insisted.

“So we’re exclusive, then?” he asked. “What, exclusive friends with benefits? Because that kind of sounds like a relationship to me.”

I didn’t have an answer for that. We sat like that for a moment, him kneeling, me on my back, propped up on my elbows. It seemed we were at a sort of impasse. Nothing about our situation had changed; we both had a whole future ahead of us, we weren’t in the position to be making promises. But maybe, if it came down to it—

The door banged open.

I shoved Teddy backward with a foot. It was pure instinct—the somebody slamming into the room had set my heart racing, activating my fight or flight, and having nearly two hundred pounds of muscle on top of me hindered my ability to fight or fly.

A girl strolled in. She had a large denim jacket thrown over a floral-print dress and a Patagonia beanie tugged low over short, yellow hair, all of it eclectic in a way that somehow managed to look intentional. “So,” she said with flourish, “which one of you is the roommate? No offense”—she inclined her head toward me, apparently to indicate that I was the one who shouldn’t take offense—“but I’m sort of hoping it’s the Clark Kent look-alike.”

I stared at her, this total stranger, and shook my head faintly, because what? Teddy looked back and forth between the pair of us, rubbing his chest where I’d kicked him. “Actually, I was just leaving.”

“What?” I asked, taken aback.

“Don’t leave on my account,” the girl said, staring as he scooted to the edge of the bed and tugged his tennis shoes back on. “I’m cool with just watching. You know. Whatever you guys are into.”

Teddy shot her a quick, vexed look before pushing to his feet. “I need to get going. Long drive.”

I grabbed him by the T-shirt sleeve to stop him from walking away from me. “Hey, wait,” I said, trying to instill meaning in my words while also keeping my voice low, because my new roommate was hanging onto our every word. I wouldn’t have been surprised if she’d unveiled a bag of popcorn from under her skirt and started munching on it. “We weren’t done talking.”

“I’m sorry. I can’t—” He shook his head with a tired look. “I’ll call you later?”

A lump the size of a baseball had formed in my throat, so all I could do was nod. I let go of his sleeve, and he left.

“Whoops,” my new roommate said, flopping down on the bed directly across from mine. “I didn’t mean to intrude.”

I wanted to flip her off, but then we’d really be getting off on the wrong foot, so instead I grumbled, “Don’t worry about it.” I stood to collect my laptop from the floor. It had landed face down, the whole thing lying flush against the vinyl flooring. Just looking at it, it was clear that it was broken, but I picked it up anyway. The screen flapped uselessly; the hinges connecting it to the keyboard had snapped, and the whole thing had gone dark. I tapped the space bar a few times, but it was no use. It wouldn’t turn on.

“What’s your major?” my roommate asked, oblivious.

“History.” I tossed the broken laptop on my bed and just stood there, not sure what to do with myself. “Yours?”

“Undeclared, but I’m thinking maybe I’ll major in psychology.” She lay with her boots still on her feet, crossing one ankle over the other, and grabbed the hamburger stress ball off her nightstand, tossing it up into the air and catching it. “Or business, maybe. I like anything that deals with people.”

I didn’t say anything. My mind was stuck on Teddy. I turned to my bed so that my new roommate wouldn’t see as I swiped the tears from my eyes with the back of my hand.

“That guy that just left,” she said slowly. “He’s your boyfriend?”

I sniffed once, hard. “No.” I busied myself with hanging my clothes up in the closet, needing a task to keep me from dwelling too heavily on whatever had just happened.

“Why not?” she pressed. I released a sound that was somewhere between a sigh and a laugh, because of course I couldn’t have a roommate that allowed me to wallow in peace—that would be too much to ask for. She must’ve picked up on some of my irritation, at least, because she added, “Sorry if I’m being nosey. I’m just saying. I’d climb that like a tree.”

“Yeah, well…” I scratched an itch at the base of my skull, where my braid was thickest. My hair was a rat’s nest after rolling around on the bed with Teddy. I searched for an excuse to change the topic. “I don’t think I caught your name?”

“Oh, dude, my bad.” She sprang off the bed, tossing the rubber hamburger aside, and made short work of the room, thrusting a hand at me. “Miranda Schooner,” she said, chipper. “But my friends call me Mindy.”

I tried calling that night to talk things through, but he didn’t answer. I told myself that he was just busy driving, that we’d talk about it later and everything would be fine. My phone buzzed the next morning when I was in the middle of freshman orientation, seated in the top row of a massive lecture hall. But it was a text, not a call, and my heart sank as soon as I opened it.

Teddy: I think maybe it’s best if we go back to just being friends.

CHAPTER20

PRESENT

Rain lashes my windshield as I search for a parking space, my wipers on full speed and fighting a losing battle. I squint through the downpour, but I’m not having any luck. I brake to let a family of four dressed as the Incredibles pass, Elastigirl gathering her children under a black umbrella.

I’d planned to arrive a couple hours early to finish prep, but Teddy insisted he had it handled and I’m not overeager to face him after the way we left off last night, so I took my time getting ready before heading to campus. But now the parking lot closest to the Alumni House is full, so it looks like I’ll have to park on the street. The world outside is dark and oil-slicked as I turn down one of the dark side streets, where the streetlights are shadowed by barren branches and a handful of cars dot the cut-stone curb.