Page 58 of Given Our History

A surprised laugh sputters out of me. I’ve never been asked to dance in my life—there’s no prom when you’re homeschooled, and the last wedding I attended was when I was the flower girl for my aunt Gillian when I was eight. “You want to slow dance to ‘Ohio Is for Lovers’?”

A smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. “You do look the part.” I roll my eyes and turn away, but then he adds, “You look beautiful.”

I hesitate.

“I’ll put on whatever song you like,” he says. “It doesn’t matter to me as long as I get to dance with you.”

“I can’t dance,” I say.

“I’m not sure there’s much to it.”

“You’re not sure,” I echo, arching a brow.

“Pretty sure I’m supposed to lead anyway, so you’re not the one who should be worried.”

I should probably decline, insist that we talk things out first. But there’s something so tempting about just giving into impulse for once, so instead I’m letting him lead me to the middle of the faded Turkish rug. We don’t even bother changing the music. His hand settles on my hip, drawing me toward him, and we sway out of time. Like we’re dancing to a song that only we can hear, something soft and slow.

I stifle a giggle.

“What?” he asks.

“This is ridiculous,” I say, nodding in the direction of the music playing from his phone.

“I don’t care,” he says.

I focus on our shoes, sobering. I’m all too aware of how close we’re standing.

“I’m sorry for last night,” he says after a moment. “For how I reacted.”

I shake my head. “I’m sorry for bringing it up the way I did.”

“You don’t need to apologize. Everything you said was true.” The hand on my waist drags me in close, so that our bodies are almost flush. He mutters into my hair. “I should’ve paid more attention to how you were feeling, back then. I had tunnel vision. All I could think about was how unfair everything was, and when I called that night—I thought that if you were here, if I talked you into coming home, then at least I still had you.” He takes a deep breath, chest rising and falling against mine. “It was selfish thinking. I’m sorry for taking it out on you.”

I rest my cheek against his shoulder, absorbing everything he’s telling me. His heartbeat is strong and steady. Him holding me like this, being this close to him, it does something to me. A weakening of my resolve, or maybe a strengthening of it—that all depends on what I actually want, and I’m not sure I’ve figured that out yet. “Can I ask you something?” I say finally.

“Anything.”

“Why are you here? You could’ve applied to work as a visiting scholar at any number of universities. But you chose this one.”

“I might’ve mentioned something earlier,” he says, breath warm against my ear, “about how I haven’t found the right school yet.”

“And what do you think of Irving?”

“It’s the faculty that really makes a school.” He’s quiet for a minute. “I think, if you’re set on staying here, then maybe I should extend my visitation.”

I draw back so that I can look at him. “Teddy—”

“You have to know, it was never about the school, for me.” We’ve stopped swaying now, standing stock-still with our bodies pressed together. His eyes search my face. “The past couple years put things into perspective. The whole idea of building a better life, making sure it all goes according to plan, it’s all wasted if you miss out on the things that made that future worth building in the first place.”

“We knew each other a long time ago,” I whisper.

With a hand, he angles my face up, thumb brushing against my bottom lip and sending a shudder through me. “Then I guess we have a lot of lost time to make up for.”

He bends to kiss me.

CHAPTER21

PRESENT