Page 39 of This Changes Everything

BEN: I’M CALM! YOU CALM DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“So, what exactly is going on between you and Ben?”

Hannah’s quiet voice next to my ear startled me. My head snapped up to see both Hannah and Kara hunched over my shoulder, reading my text messages. We were at Battery Park, and not one of us was admiring the glory of the Statue of Liberty.

“What do you mean?”

Hannah snatched my phone from my death grip and pulled it up to her face. She read, “I’m so calm I’ve reached a new state of existence. I can’t see any material things anymore, I’m so calm.” Hannah flicked her eyes up to me.

“Yeah . . .” My face flushed. “He’s a silly goose.”

“You like him. I knew it.” Kara’s smirk was cracking, exposing her teeth. “You like your hot roommate. That is so sexy. Also, Cameron called it.”

“Wait, what? What do you mean?” My head almost twisted off my neck as I spun to Kara, mouth gaping. I refused to admit how envious I was of Kara’s closeness with the Campbell family since she and Cameron had started dating.

“I told Cameron that Ben was your roommate, and showed him that picture of you guys in the subway. The first thing he said was ‘Well, if she wasn’t gone before, she’s gone now,’ and that Rory blew it.”

“Whatever.” I shook my head, trying to steady my voice. “I can’t listen to this. I haven’t talked to Rory in . . .” I did the mental math. “Six months? And you’re right, Kara. I do like Ben,” I continued. “But he’s just my friend, and I know we’ve all heard that before, but it’s true.” I rolled my eyes. “I was always one foot out in Vancouver, looking for something else, and I found it. I’m happy here. I’m actually happy.”

“The fact that you like Ben after all these years of Rory is such a big deal, Ellie.” Hannah pressed her finger into my puffy jacket. “You need to go for it.”

“We’re just friends,” I muttered, shuffling my feet.

“No!” Kara’s face morphed with frustration. She pushed me in the chest harder than either of us expected.

“Ow! You got my boob!”

“No, Ellie!” Kara waved me off. “Cameron’s going to kill me for saying this, but I don’t care! I’M IN NEW YORK, BABY!” Kara screamed out into the cold. Hannah and I both chuckled at her lunacy. “Before you left Vancouver, Rory broke your heart. Whatever’s ticking inside your chest right now is new, and it’s growing. And if whatever’s in there belongs to Ben, then give him the whole thing. Don’t give him bits and parts. You didn’t tell Rory how you felt until it was too late. Don’t make the same mistake with Ben.”

Hannah and Kara had witnessed every step of my life. They watched me struggle to become a real person in Vancouver. They watched my childhood crumble the moment I stopped going to Juniper. They watched me become a new version of myself out of that heartbreak. They watched me fall in love, and never judged me for my inability to let that love go. They watched me decide to run away, and they didn’t stop me when they knew I wouldn’t look back. I couldn’t. Not anymore. Hannah’s and Kara’s love for me, and my love for them, was unconditional, and if anyone could slap me in the face with reality, it was them.

My phone dinged.

I reached into my pocket, pulled out my phone, and opened the message.

“What does it say?” Hannah asked.

“He . . .” I tried to conceal my smile. “He photoshopped his face onto a picture of the Dalai Lama. And said, ‘You calm down.’ ”

We got to Lifers, and I kept checking to see who was walking through the door every time it opened. When Ben finally pushed his way in, with Lucas following closely behind, the tension in my body released. Some of the last words he’d said to me before leaving for Boston hit me like a ton of bricks.

Now you have to choose me.

It always struck me like a thunderclap how beautiful Ben was. He wasn’t a star yet, but everyone could read the tea leaves. He was wearing slacks, a cream shirt, and a gray peacoat that he took off as he walked toward us. The scruff on his face was thicker than usual, chiseling two long lines that creased his cheeks when he smiled. He pushed his hand through his hair, shaking away the snow.

“Oh, wow. Jesus Christ,” Kara muttered while looking at him.

“You made it!” I threw my arms around Ben and hugged him tight.

“I made it.” He took a minute to drag his eyes down my face, landing them on my mouth, before he turned to Hannah and Kara. They were already exchanging private looks with each other.

“Hi. I’m Ben.”

“Yes, we know.” Hannah smiled. “I’m Hannah.”

“Kara.” Kara took a sip of her gin and tonic and winked.

I narrowed my eyes and cocked my head at her.