Page 67 of This Changes Everything

The psychic turned to Zoë first. “At times, you find yourself doubting decisions you’ve made, which have led you to where you are today. Try not to look back on those crossroads in your life. If you are constantly looking back, you’ll never see where you are.”

Zoë nodded kindly. The psychic moved her attention away, and Zoë looked at me, rolled her eyes, and mouthed, Where’s the witch?

The psychic adjusted herself in her seat, gently touched her temple, and closed her eyes. “I sense there is some type of marriage in this room.”

Hannah’s mouth tightened as she eagerly anticipated the psychic’s next comment. Ben pressed his elbow into the coffee table and covered his mouth with his hand. I could tell he was trying to mask his excitement as well.

“This love will last a lifetime, but with it comes hardships.”

Ben snorted at the most generic and basic piece of wisdom any of us had ever heard.

Zoë tapped into her acting, and tears welled in her eyes. She looked over at Lucas, then at Hannah, and back again. She breathed dramatically. “I knew you’d break her heart eventually, you bastard.”

Ben chuckled again, causing the psychic’s focus to shift to him. She grabbed his hand and closed both of hers over it. His eyes went wide. I could see him trying to hold in his smile.

“This is a recent development.” She nodded back and forth between me and Ben.

“We’re well over the year mark, so . . .” His eyes flipped over to me. I had to look away to stop myself from breaking into a smile and accidentally offending anyone.

“He’s been hittin’ that for a long time.” Zoë gave an affirming nod.

“Zoë . . .” I said under my breath, as everyone else choked back their laughter.

“There’s something significant bound to happen between the two of you.” The psychic kept her eyes closed. “I see sun and palm trees.” She patted Ben on the hand. “You’ll be happy.”

I gave Ben a little nod and a smirk. Los Angeles had been a topic of conversation between us lately, so I was pleased that the psychic was on my side. It wasn’t that Ben was opposed to moving once we graduated. It was something he was interested in, but he wavered. He just wasn’t sure anymore. But I couldn’t shake the image of LA I had cemented inside my heart and head. Since I was a kid, I had been wanting to know who I could be there.

“We would need a solid reason to go,” Ben had said one Friday night while mixing drinks.

I was sitting at Lifers bar, waiting for his shift to end. We were nearing graduation, and I had been suggesting that we sublet our apartment and try LA for a couple of months. At first, he was all in, but then he started auditioning in New York, and casting directors kept calling him back. He was booking jobs, surprisingly big jobs. He had already been cast in his first off-Broadway show and was a recurring character in a TV teen drama. His momentum was building, and I knew he was afraid to kill it. The worst part was that I understood where he was coming from. He had a point that was hard for me to argue with.

“I need that thing that knocks it over the line. Like a job, something like that,” Ben said while pulling up a bill and handing it to the person sitting next to me.

“There will be more opportunities in film and TV there. Everything gets developed in LA, so if you want to find your way into the right rooms and meet the right people, that’s where you need to be. Random auditioning isn’t going to do it.” I maintained my argument.

“I don’t know. I think I’m doing okay.” He shrugged, dismissing me. “We’re trying to climb a mountain. We’ve made connections here, and I don’t want to go back down again. You gotta go up.”

“There are more ways than one to get up a mountain,” I debated. I was certain I was right, but had no idea how to correlate the mountain metaphor to our choice of career with any discernible path.

“I don’t know why you’re so dead set on it.”

“It’s hard to explain, and I’ve tried before. I think it’s that I’ve always been restless. It’s just a feeling in my gut, and it’s never gone away, you know?”

“Again, a feeling in your gut is not a solid reason for us to go.” Ben side-eyed me while reaching for a bottle of gin. “You’re not going to get magically cast in movies just because you’re in LA. It’s not like the city is going to know you’re there and be like, ‘Oh! Ellie McCain? We’ve been waiting for you!’ It’s going to take the same hard work that it takes here. If you’re not willing to put in the work, it doesn’t matter where you are.” Ben shook his head.

“Ben, I put in the work.” My head flew backward. I was offended.

“No, I know. That’s not what I mean.”

“I’m writing almost every day.” My back stiffened.

“So let’s take one of your scripts and make something. Let’s do it here, because we know people here and we can get it done here. Who do we know in LA?”

Ben and I never fought. Ever. We battled playfully and debated each other all the time, but we never fought. I felt myself shrink. “I don’t know, Ben . . . But I feel like we’re living a lot of your life right now, and not a lot of mine.”

“We’re living our life, Ellie. New York is working. You might need to be a little more realistic.”

I sat back in my seat, at a loss for words, overcome with a feeling I had tried to run from before.