Page 90 of This Changes Everything

“Yeah. I’d been in LA for a year at that point, so we’d been broken up for about six months.”

Rory pressed his fingers into his eyes. “Seriously?” He pushed his hand up his forehead and through his hair with a tired laugh. His head fell back into the lounger. “I . . . I can’t even think about that. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Um, it was your dad’s funeral? We hadn’t talked in years? Cameron, Orson, and your hot girlfriend kept cockblocking us? I mean, pick your poison.”

Rory’s laugh died out and transformed into a sigh. “Wow . . . Well, I’m sorry about Ben, even though it was a while ago. I know you really loved him.”

“I did, yeah . . . I gave Ben something inside me that I didn’t know existed until I met him. He has a piece of me, and he always will, and I don’t regret giving it to him.”

“Do you still love him?” Rory bit into his cheek uncomfortably.

“Yeah,” I answered honestly. “Unfortunately for me, it appears as though once I love, it sticks. It changes with time and all that, but it stays with me . . .”

“Did I stay with you?” Rory’s question came at me quietly, but still struck me directly in the center of my chest.

Here we go.

I smiled nervously and then took a deep breath.

Four. Three.

“So, my grandma is ninety-three. She spent her life unhappily married and separated from my grandpa for fifty years. He never gave her a divorce. Now she’s in a nursing home, and it’s the end of her life, and she turned to my mom, out of nowhere, and told her this story about someone she used to love when she was twenty years old. She asked my mom to find him. My mom was floored. She had never even heard of this guy before. So my mom tracked him down. He’s dead. And that’s that. My grandma has been thinking about this person, quietly loving him, for seventy-three years.”

Rory kept silent, kept watching me.

Two. One.

“I was afraid that was going to be me. I could be surrounded by a field of people . . . by everyone I’ve ever known, and everyone else in the world, too, and I’d still find you. I’d still only see you, Rory.” I let out a soft sigh.

Rory’s lips twitched into a downturned smile. “Ellie, look at me,” he said softly, using the words we used to say to each other.

“No, I can’t!” I cried, and he released his pent-up energy through a laugh. I threw my hands up in the air, then slammed them back down in the water. “And you were holding my hand. You’ve never really done that before, not like that. Now I wish you hadn’t, because I’m afraid I’m going to feel your hand in mine for the rest of my life, whether it’s there or not.” I laughed, and Rory grabbed my hand again. He knotted our fingers together. I was feeling lightheaded. “I don’t know what I’m doing right now. I don’t even know how you would feel if—”

“You know how I feel,” he said unwaveringly.

My eyes lifted to meet his. The warmth of his stare settled my nerves, and we both took a deep, connected breath as the music flipped over to ABBA’s “Dancing Queen.” The entire crowd started singing along.

I tried to keep my smile in check. “We have a lot of history and loaded emotions, and I live in LA, and you live in Vancouver, but there’s always been a voice inside my head that’s said maybe not tomorrow, but the next tomorrow our timing will finally work out. You have my heart, Rory. It’s yours. I’ve let you keep it all this time, waiting for that next tomorrow.” I released a massive exhale and popped out my cheeks. “So, there it is. I finally told you how I really feel. It only took me seventeen years.”

Peace seemed to wash over him as he slowly shook his head, and his grin grew, tugging the edges of his lips. “I can’t believe we’re actually having this conversation. The music is so loud.”

“I know. But at least it’s ‘Dancing Queen’ and not ‘Drop It Like It’s Hot’ obliterating the vibe.”

Rory threw his head back with a loud laugh, clearly remembering his prom, then sighed. “I was going to propose.” My heart stopped. “I mean, if we’re saying the thing, then I’m going to say the thing.”

“What do you mean, you were going to propose?” I blinked.

“When?” “When I came to New York. I had a ring in my pocket. I spent those first six months you were gone trying to figure out a way to get transferred to Columbia. I had a lot of plans. But when I saw the way you were with Ben, and the way he was with you . . . You were happy. It was a nightmare.” Rory laughed at himself half-heartedly. “You had a whole life that I wasn’t part of. And I knew that no matter what I did or where I was, I could never be part of it. It was . . . rough.” It was Rory’s turn to let out a deep exhale. “So, as I’m sure you can imagine, Blair and Cameron are very worried about me right now, knowing that we’re talking and I’m seeing you. Cameron has tasked Orson with making sure we don’t hook up.”

My head was thumping from the blood rushing through my veins, along with the blaring music pumping throughout the pool. My senses were overloaded. I knew Rory was trying to make light of things, but I couldn’t think. “Rory . . . You had a ring? I . . . I don’t know what to say.”

“There’s nothing to say. I do want to acknowledge that it’s nuts that we’re talking about this with hundreds of people singing very loudly around us in all directions.”

I let out a much-needed release of laughter, then slipped off my lounge chair and moved onto Rory’s. He wrapped his arms around me, and I curled into him. “I’m sorry . . .”

“It’s okay. I’m okay.” He pressed his cheek into the top of my head. “I didn’t tell you to make you sad or make you feel bad. I just wouldn’t be okay if our whole lives passed us by and you never knew what happened.” Rory took off my hat and placed it on the table beside us so he could run his fingers through my hair. He leaned his head back against the lounger. I was snug between his arm and his body. We were cuddling, and we had never cuddled before. My heart was racing, and I instinctively placed my hand over his heart to feel it thumping against his chest. I looked up and saw Hannah watching us anxiously from the VIP area across the pool.

“I meant it back then . . . I would have thrown it all away for you.”