Page 97 of This Changes Everything

Rory climbed on top of me, and our lips found each other as I guided him inside me. My body adjusted to him, stretched for him. It was as though it remembered every which way he had already been let in. As Rory filled me, he stole all the space inside me—the air in my lungs, the thoughts in my head—and the only thing I needed was more.

He pushed himself all the way in as I pulsed and contracted around him. A surge of heat overwhelmed me as Rory watched and felt me come for him. He was enraptured, smiling his quiet, soft smile, his warm eyes bouncing all over my face. He appeared in awe of how I moved, how I looked, how I sounded, how I felt.

Once my shivering subsided, he released his breath, exhaling softly. “Always you, Ellie.” He brushed his lips gently over mine.

I pressed my hands into my eyes. “You can’t say that.”

He leaned on one arm and moved my hands from my face, still deep inside me. “Why not?”

“Because you’re going to make me cry. I can’t be the person who cries within seconds of having sex with you for the first time in almost a decade. That person is not awesome.”

A couple of uncontrollable tears spilled down my face. Rory brushed them from my cheeks with his thumbs, and we laughed softly together until our laughter faded and we were left gazing into each other’s eyes.

“I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you.” I kissed Rory, knowing I would never again kiss anyone else.

We started moving again as one, our bodies never leaving each other. When we eventually both started coming, he wrapped his arms around me so tightly that I didn’t know where I ended and he began.

Rory and I spent the whole night together, lost in his sheets. The second time we made love was more urgent, more desperate, more everything. It was like we both needed to satiate our addiction to one another.

“My god,” I huffed, as Rory pulled me in to his chest. His breath steamed the back of my neck with his steady panting.

“I feel like we should high-five after that.” Rory breathed out a laugh.

I laughed as well, then lifted my hand over my head, and he happily slapped it.

Rory moved my hair away from my sweaty neck and gently turned my face toward his so he could kiss me. I twisted and shifted into the crook of his armpit and pressed my hand into his chest so I could feel his thumping heartbeat on my palm.

It was the small moments that I told myself to memorize. The sunrise glowing against his closed eyes and downturned smile. Remember that, Ellie. Him sitting in bed, his legs hidden in the white sheets, his chest bare, carefully picking finely diced green onions off his eggs. Remember that, Ellie. How he closed his eyes and tilted his head back in the shower. How the water fell from the tips of his hair and defined his curls. Remember that, Ellie. How he pressed my back into the cold wall, with his hand on my neck, while kissing me under the falling water. Remember that, Ellie. How his face transformed into sadness when I said it was time to go. Remember that, Ellie.

“Do you want me to throw the rest of your stuff into your suitcase?” I put on one of Rory’s T-shirts. I still wasn’t wearing pants, but my underwear (well, a clean pair of his underwear) was finally on, so that was a step in the right direction.

“Yeah, please.” Rory was already dressed in gray sweatpants that looked like they were made for him, a white T-shirt that hugged and hung off his body, and my blue Dodgers hat. He gave me a quick kiss on the nose before going into the bathroom.

I collected every stray item in the hotel room, assuming it belonged to Rory. Rory stepped out of the bathroom, leaned against the doorframe, brushed his teeth, and watched me sit on the suitcase, trying to close it.

“You good, Cainey?” he asked with his mouth full of toothpaste.

“Yup,” I grunted while wrestling with the zipper.

Leaving the toothbrush in his mouth, he came over, lifted me from the suitcase with both hands on my hips, and popped me onto the bed. He then knelt on the suitcase and zipped it closed.

“Thanks.” I smiled from the bed, then put on my pants from the night before.

He tossed me a wink and went back into the bathroom to spit. When he came out again, he sat next to me. He pressed his hand into my thigh and fell backward onto the bed with a sigh.

After putting my shoes on, I fell back with him. “What are you thinking?” I asked quietly.

He turned his head so he was facing me. “Well, I’m feeling pretty bummed that I’m about to get on a plane, but I think I’m doing a good job pretending I’m okay.”

I lifted my hands behind my head. “You’re not regretting anything, are you?” I bit my lip and looked up at the ceiling. “Because this all feels a little spooky . . . and familiar, with last night happening and then us leaving each other this morning.”

Rory sat up, his face showing immediate concern. “Regretting anything? No. Everything feels different. Everything is different. Why would you say that? Are you regretting anything?”

I sat up, too. “No, of course not. But we still live in different countries, and we can’t pretend we don’t.”

He shook his head. “What are you doing right now?” I could see his eyes start to go vacant. “Ellie, you can’t do this. What are you doing?”