Page 44 of The Dark Lord’s Guide to Honeymooning (and Other Acts of Tyranny)

“Nyx!”

She flew off with what could only be described as a teenage sulk, her tail whipping past the window hard enough to rattle the glassware on the nearby shelf.

“Our little arsonist is becoming more defiant every day.” I turned back to Kazimir. “And she’s just a dragon. Can you imagine adding a child to the mix? They’d burn down the citadel before they could walk.”

“At least that’s one disaster we don’t have to worry about.”

“Thank the gods.” I meant it.

We’d talked about it after the attack on Skyspire, when the healers had been fussing over both of us. Neither of us had experienced anything resembling a healthy childhood—his mother had carved runes into his bones, my father had locked me in a tower. We’d be terrible parents, and we both knew it.

I’d been drinking a yearly prevention potion since my father had allowed me out of my tower, but Kazimir had gone further. Years ago, before he’d even claimed Skyspire, he’d undergone some sort of dark magical procedure to ensure he’d never father children. The details were vague and probably horrifying, but the result was permanent.

I wasn’t upset about it. If anything, I was relieved. We had enough problems without adding a tiny Dark Lord or Lady to the mix. Besides, we’d probably be starting wars and dodging assassination attempts for the foreseeable future. Hardly the environment for raising a child.

I pushed thoughts of hypothetical offspring aside. “Let me look at the ley lines again. Maybe I can see something different today.”

I closed my eyes and reached for the Heirloom’s power. It responded eagerly. The world exploded into ribbons of golden light, all twisted together in an endless web.

I focused on Solandris, following the lines toward the Golden Rose Fields. Unfortunately, the corruption was worse and showed no sign of fixing itself.

Before I could say anything, footsteps thundered up the stairs. The door burst open, and Griffin practically fell through it, Vex and Sebastian right behind him.

Griffin’s face was pale, his glasses askew, and his hands were shaking.

“My lord. My lady.” He gasped for breath. “I have news. Bad news. Very bad news.”

15 Maintain Dungeon Security

(Unless Your Staff Decides Otherwise)

Kazimir

Griffin stood in the laboratory doorway like a man awaiting execution. His gangly frame trembled, those ridiculous amber eyes wide behind his askew glasses. Behind him, Vex maintained her usual composure, though the slight twitch in her left eye told me whatever Griffin had done was spectacularly bad. Sebastian hovered near the back, looking distinctly uncomfortable.

“Speak,” I commanded, my voice deceptively calm. The kind of calm that preceded someone losing vital organs.

“My lord,” Griffin began, wringing his hands. “I was—that is, Vex was showing Lord Sebastian around the citadel, as planned.”

“The non-sensitive areas,” Vex clarified, which immediately told me they’d gone somewhere they shouldn’t have.

“Yes! Absolutely non-sensitive!” Griffin’s voice cracked. “Just the… the dungeons.”

“The dungeons,” I repeated. The temperature in the room plummeted. One of his preserved experiments frosted over.

“Just the Necromantic Wing, my lord!” Griffin hastened to add, as if that made it better. “I was retrieving samples from the storage vaults. For the purification research. The texts suggested that understanding how death magic interacts with corrupted life essence might give us insight into reversing the ley line contamination. And I ran into them during their tour of the lower levels—”

My shadows darkened with my impatience.

“We started talking about magical theory.” Griffin’s words tumbling out faster now. “The interaction between life magic and death magic, the theoretical applications of biomantic principles in necromantic spaces—it was fascinating, really, and Lord Sebastian had such insightful questions about the containment matrices—”

“Griffin.” Arabella’s voice cut through his rambling. “What did you do?”

He paled further, which I hadn’t thought possible. “I—I wanted to demonstrate a simple reanimation principle. Just a small spell! A tiny manipulation of the death essence in Cell Block Seven—”

“Cell Block Seven,” I said slowly, “where we keep the high-security prisoners.”

“It was supposed to be contained to the empty cell! But the spell, um, sort of cascaded.”