Page 54 of The Dark Lord’s Guide to Honeymooning (and Other Acts of Tyranny)

“Presentation.” My eyes narrowed on the shimmering alchemical compounds coating the vial. “The Alchemist finds simple correspondence boring. Likely when they sent the letter about your father, they didn’t have time to send something more dramatic.”

I motioned for Arabella to take it. We all knew what this was about. The moment her fingers brushed the glass, the vial dissolved. The liquid didn’t fall; it hung in the air, forming glowing, molten script.

Dearest Lady Blackrose,

How delightful that your father yet breathes! The possibilities are simply thrilling. As you’ll recall, you now owe me a debt for the information regarding your father’s planned assassination. I have decided how you shall repay it.

You and your fascinating husband will meet me at the God Spire in three days’ time. Bring the item—you know the one. Or perhaps you don’t? How wonderfully uncertain!

Should you fail to appear, or attempt any silly heroics, the consequences will be of such that even your new power cannot mitigate.

With anticipatory delight,

The Alchemist

The words hung in the air for a moment longer, then melted away into smoke that smelled of sulfur.

Vex whistled low. “The Alchemist’s getting bold.”

“By every rune etched into my bones,” I snarled, “I’m going to flay them alive and use their entrails to spell out ‘Fuck Around and Find Out’ across the battlements.” I clenched my fists. “Or perhaps as garland for the winter solstice. I haven’t decided which would be more satisfying.”

“What’s the God Spire?” Arabella asked.

My headache intensified. “The Syndicate’s main stronghold in the Lawless Expanse. To the east across the Shattered Sea.”

“That’s not ideal timing,” Arabella said, her hand rising toward her head as if to touch the Heirloom that was still fused there. “Can we refuse?”

“Not without consequences,” Vex said. “Debts to the Alchemist are magically binding. Refusal triggers a cascade of curses designed to be instructive.”

“The kind that make death seem preferable,” I finished. “Their curses tend to involve painful, grotesque transformations that can’t be reversed.”

Arabella sighed. “So we go. Despite the Heirloom situation and the corrupted ley lines, not to mention a waiting invasion.”

“It’s a trap,” Vex stated flatly.

“Obviously.” I took a deep breath to focus my anger into something productive. “Three days isn’t enough time to sail there, and even if it were, I don’t want to mess with pirates or sea monsters.”

“Can’t you just open a portal, or…” Arabella made a vague gesture I’d come to recognize as her shorthand for “do something impossibly magical.”

“Not to the God Spire. The entire Expanse is shielded against that kind of entry.” I paused. “And anyway, it might be too far for a personal portal, even for me. But sailing won’t be necessary.” I turned to Vex. “Contact Captain Brecca with urgent instructions to be prepared to leave first thing tomorrow from Azroth’s Claw.”

“Who’s Brecca?” Arabella asked.

“My ship’s captain.”

She frowned. “But you just said you didn’t want to sail.”

“I did.” A crooked smile curved my lips. “Some things are more entertaining as a surprise.”

Vex cleared her throat. “And what of Lord Sebastian?”

I considered it. Leaving him here unsupervised was a risk. Taking him into the heart of the Syndicate was another. But I preferred the risks I could watch. “He comes with us,” I decided. “I want him where I can see him.”

“Very well.” Vex nodded and departed to begin the preparations.

Arabella waited until she was out of earshot, then turned back to me. “So we’re really doing this? Traveling across the sea to meet with a maniacal alchemist while I have a world-altering artifact fused to my skull?”

“The Alchemist knows about the Heirloom.” I gestured to the golden circlet. “I’d bet all my titles that’s the ‘item’ they referred to. And they know we can’t refuse. Which means they also know we’re in a position of weakness. The retreat from Solandris, the corruption, the fact that we’re scrambling for answers—the Alchemist has impeccable timing. This summons isn’t just about collecting a debt. It’s about forcing us to show our hand when we’re most vulnerable.”