Page 59 of The Dark Lord’s Guide to Honeymooning (and Other Acts of Tyranny)

It was the same feeling of reaching for a memory that wasn’t there.

19 Plan a Honeymoon

(to a Stronghold of Villains)

Kazimir

Absolutely not.”

Sebastian stood in my war room with flour still dusting his nose, looking far too comfortable for someone who’d been in my fortress less than a week. His guard hovered outside the door, wisely keeping his distance.

“My lord, I understand the journey is necessary for you and Lady Blackrose,” Sebastian said, his tone measured and polite. “But surely my presence isn’t required? I could remain here, assist Vex with—”

“You’re coming with us to the God Spire or you’re leaving altogether. Through a window if necessary.”

“That seems unnecessarily dramatic,” he muttered. “Though I suppose defenestration is rather traditional for Dark Lords.”

It was the first hint of sass I’d detected from Sebastian. Either he’d already been spending too much time with Arabella, or he was unnecessarily comfortable here.

I stepped closer, letting shadows gather around my feet. “I have other options at my disposal, if you don’t like either of those.”

Sebastian’s jaw tightened. A tiny crack appeared in the floorboards near his feet, and a single thorny vine pushed through, twisting anxiously before he stepped on it.

“Sebastian.” Arabella sat on the war table, legs swinging. Her hazel eyes were concerned. “What’s really going on?”

He was silent for a moment, and another hairline crack appeared in the stone, this time sprouting a nervous cluster of white flowers that bloomed and died in the span of a breath.

“Nothing changed,” he said finally, clasping his hands behind his back. “I simply thought I might be more useful here. The kitchens, the gardens—”

Arabella’s expression shifted, that subtle tightening around her eyes that told me her truth-sense had just activated. But instead of calling him out on the lie, she simply studied him.

“What’s it going to be, Scone Lord?” I growled. “Leave our protection or go with us to the God Spire?”

I did have a third option—the dungeons. But they were still chaotic, and Arabella would never agree.

Sebastian exhaled slowly, violet eyes meeting mine. “I’ll accompany you to the God Spire.”

Damn it.

“Let me be crystal clear. We’re going to a place where your particular brand of well-intentioned chaos will be a catastrophic liability. Therefore, you will remain in whatever quarters you are assigned unless you have been given permission to leave, and you will touch nothing. If you so much as step a toe out of line, I will have you chained to your bedpost for the duration of the trip.” I leaned in, crowding his space until he had to crane his neck to look at me. “Or I’ll kill you. It will very much depend on my mood.”

To Sebastian’s credit, he didn’t flinch. He just held my gaze and nodded. “Yes, my lord.”

The door burst open before I could elaborate on the various ways I could make his life miserable. Griffin stumbled in, his burnt-straw hair even more disheveled than usual, carrying an armload of scrolls that immediately scattered across the floor.

“My lord! Terrible news! Well, not terrible exactly, more inconvenient, though I suppose it depends on your perspective—”

“Griffin.” My voice could have frozen fire. “You have five seconds to explain why you’re not working.”

“The research!” He scrambled to collect his scrolls, knocking over an ink pot in the process. Black liquid spread across my battle maps. “I’ve been analyzing the data from your last… collaborative session, and I believe we’re on the verge of a breakthrough, but—”

He paused, his face doing something complicated. His eyes darted to Sebastian, then away, then back to me with an expression that screamed, “Please don’t ask me to elaborate in front of company.”

“But?” I prompted, my patience thinning.

“But we can’t afford delays in communication. Not now.” He fumbled with the Doom Scroll, nearly dropping it as he tried to pick up his papers. “The magical disturbances near Sunspire are escalating. Three more incidents just this evening.”

I saw where he was going with his babbling but decided to hear him out.