Page 71 of The Dark Lord’s Guide to Honeymooning (and Other Acts of Tyranny)

“You love it.”

I did.

The second round, after everyone had taken a few drinks, got interesting.

“So Griffin,” I said, fishing out something purple and squishy, “how’d you end up working for the Dark Lord anyway?”

Griffin missed his throw entirely, the organ sailing over the side of the ship. He took a large gulp of moonshine. “Would you believe it was an accident?”

“Yes,” everyone said simultaneously.

“I was trying to summon a minor demon for my thesis project at the Academy in Valmont—Solandris wouldn’t admit me. It was a small thing, just needed it to answer some questions about infernal energy conversion rates.” He hiccuped. “Accidentally opened a portal to Lord Blackrose’s bathroom instead.”

I nearly dropped my organ. “His bathroom?”

“He was in the bath,” Griffin added helpfully.

Kazimir’s expression could have lit Griffin on fire all by itself. “We agreed never to speak of this.”

“You said you’d never speak of it, my lord,” Griffin corrected. The moonshine was making him bold. “I made no such promise. Anyway, instead of killing me—which would have been reasonable—he offered me a job.”

“Why?” Sebastian asked, his head swiveling to look at Kaz. He almost lost his balance.

“Because anyone who could accidentally breach my wards was either a genius or cosmically lucky.” Kazimir shrugged. “Either way, it’s damn useful.”

“It was luck,” Griffin admitted. “Definitely luck. I transposed two runes and created an entirely new summoning matrix. Haven’t been able to replicate it since.”

Thorne snorted. “That explains so much.”

Griffin adjusted his glasses. “But I’d had trouble with employment before that. And it was a wonder Lord Blackrose kept me on after my second disaster.”

“What was that?” Sebastian asked.

“I was attempting to create a self-sustaining weather system for agricultural purposes—a permanent rain cloud that would follow farmers around—when Lord Blackrose happened to be passing through the village.”

“I was there to collect taxes,” Kazimir clarified, landing another perfect shot. The man’s aim was irritatingly good, even with pirate moonshine. “Instead, I found a village drowning under three feet of pink snow that smelled like roses and turned anything it touched temporarily invisible.”

“A simple pigmentation error,” Griffin said defensively.

“The villagers chased him with pitchforks once they could find him again,” Kaz continued. “After that, I started making Griffin experiment in the North Tower under heavy wards.”

Griffin hiccuped again. “ ’Twas a promotion.”

I turned to Thorne as he prepared his next throw. “What about you?”

He landed another perfect throw before answering. “Lord Blackrose killed my previous employer. Offered me double pay and better benefits. I said yes.”

“Benefits?” the captain asked.

“Combat bonuses,” Thorne said seriously. “Magical healing.”

Brecca looked seriously offended, as if these benefits hadn’t been part of her employment package. Kazimir noticed and said, “You have first refusal on any salvage rights. Thorne gets healing spells.”

Brecca’s irritation vanished, replaced by a satisfied smirk. She raised her notebook in a salute.

Sebastian suddenly laughed. “The Dark Lord provides better employee benefits than the royal court of Solandris.” The moonshine was definitely working. He’d progressed from careful sips to generous swallows, and his aim was suffering accordingly. Another organ went wide, this one sticking to the mainmast with a wet thwack.

“The flowers are getting bigger,” Griffin observed, pointing to the small garden that had sprouted around Sebastian’s feet.