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The man from DICK takes a seat at the desk Terrible conjured for me and starts combing through my numbers. I wait, sipping some magicked coffee while I watch him work. I have always enjoyed this part, where another person verifies my calculations and finds them perfectly without error. I am good at my job. Very good.
I see him referring to the regulations himself, looking through the manual to double check some of the more arcane entries.
“You’ve found every loophole in the book,” he says, sitting back and giving me a dour look. “I'm impressed.”
“Thanks,” I reply. “It was a real pleasure.”
His expression is slightly pained. Every tax agent wants to destroy a life. It’s why they do the work they do. I have denied him that pleasure, and I am sure he is quite furious as a result.
“You’ll be hearing from us if we decide to conduct an audit; however, given the obvious financial issues King Tyrant faces, I think it is unlikely we will bother.”
And just like that, he is gone. He gets up, he takes his briefcase, and he departs. Not a minute after he’s gone, King Tyrant steps in. I take it from his expression that he heard what I had to say.
“Was all that true?”
I ignore the somewhat insulting implication that I might have been lying. “Actually, yes. War is expensive, and you don’t extract much in the way of value from the civilizations you leave in rubble, mourning their dead and bemoaning your existence. You’re broke.”
“Commoners are broke. Kings are never broke. They are merely temporarily illiquid.”
“You sound like me,” I laugh.
“Yes, we are becoming very much like one another, are we not.”
“Hopefully not too much like each other. I’m not ready to rip the heads off massive insect aliens.”
“You deal with DICK. I’ll handle the Swarm.”
“Deal.”
Tyrant wraps me in a hug, which makes me feel better than any amount of money ever could.
“Thank you,” he says. “I have repelled massive armies and triumphed over endless enemies. But DICK seemed insurmountable until your arrival.”
I can’t stop smiling. I’ve never been so pleased to have a happy client. I nuzzle my head under his chin and let myself just drink him and this moment in. I’ve really done something that nobody else could have done for him, and I couldn’t be more proud.
Then Terrible ruins it. As usual. Because he’s fucking awful.
“Sire, the human’s superior wishes to talk to her.”
I can already feel Tyrant’s rod against my belly, his pants only barely holding him back. We were on the verge of getting hellacious filthy, I’m certain.
I part from the king just seconds before Terrible brings up a floating screen that shows me cavorting with the client.
“Right now?”
“Yes. Your boss is interested in your work. Strange, I know, given how much time you’ve spent on your back.”
“Terrible, stop,” Tyrant growls.
“Yes, Terrible. Stop,” I echo him. I am about completely over Terrible’s attitude toward me. I’ve just saved every single one of their asses. I should be getting a little in the way of respect.
Terrible avoids responding to me by activating the screen, where Mr. Rogers is smiling broadly.
“I hear the case has gone well,” he says.
“We managed to get King Tyrant’s tax obligation to zero,” I reply. I feel a little strange speaking to Mr. Rogers again. I’ve spent so much time with Tyrant on his ship that humans don’t really feel natural to me anymore.
“Yes. That’s excellent work. I’m giving you a raise when you return. Your career is going to take a very exciting turn now, Tania. You should be very proud.”
When I return.
A new realization is coming over me. I have completed the job. The ending I’ve been fearing this entire time has arrived without warning. I should have seen it coming. It makes sense. It is time to return home. Back to Earth. Back to my old life inside my apartment.
I can tell by Tyrant’s face that the same thing has occurred to him. I don’t think either of us were thinking about the inevitable and necessary end. I think we’d managed to push the reality of it far enough away that we never thought we’d actually have to deal with it.
Or… maybe we don’t. I am just a lowly accountant. I have no power here. If anything, I’m borderline in serious trouble. If Mr. Rogers finds out I have been sleeping with a client, he is not going to be happy. I’ll be kissing that raise and probably my job goodbye.
I look at King Tyrant, willing him to say something romantic, something like he’ll never let me go, that I am too valuable, I am the love of his alien life, and that he cannot live without me. We have been making love like rabbits every chance we get. I know Tyrant isn’t going to just let me go.
