Page 54 of Fallen Hero

Likely that was her intention—bore me to death so I stopped asking questions.

“Yes. We delivered two girls yesterday, but the others need to be taken care of.”

“Consider it done.”

“Thanks.”

“Anytime, Calli, yeah?”

She sounded like she meant that. No, I knew she meant it. Putting aside the bullshit with the text messages, she’d always had my back, always came through in a pinch, and always offered her honesty. She didn’t sugarcoat the truth.

“Before I let you go, can I ask you something?”

Shit. What was I doing?

“Of course.”

I couldn’t do it. I was too chickenshit to open up and ask what I needed to ask.

“Actually, I need to get back to my shower. I just got done with the gym when you called. We’ll talk when I have more time,” I lied.

Not about the shower. I needed one of those. But I’d never talk through my personal dilemma with her. I didn’t know how, and I didn’t want to learn. Transparency wasn’t something I’d ever be ready for.

“No, we won’t,” she returned. “You’ll hang up, add another layer on your already thick walls, and pretend you didn’t ask to talk. And since you asked to talk instead of just talking, I know it’s personal in nature. So I’ll take a stab at it. Yes, you should have wild sex with the hot Mason Hughes. I have seen pictures of the man, and if you don’t climb him like a tree and do nasty things to him, you are plum nutty.

“Also, yes, you should back away from fieldwork. We all, and I mean every single one of us who sees and does the things we do, need to know when it’s time to quit. And that time for you is nigh. There comes a time when you can’t come back from it. Before that happens, you need to step aside and allow someone else to take your place.

“Again, another yes, you need to tell Tom to take a hike and stop being his personal trigger puller. You’re good, you’re clean, you leave no mess. So far every hit has been righteous, but trust me on this, Calli, there will be a time he sends you out, and it will not align with your morals. He’ll ask you to take out someone who’s not a monster, but a pawn—and that, my girl, will mark you in a way that will keep you up at night.

“One more yes—you should stay pissed at me, because I betrayed the trust you gave me, and I know you don’t give that freely. But I can live with anger. What I can’t live with is you dead because your trust was more important than your life. I know you don’t believe this, I get why, in our world, we are islands . . . but you’re my friend. I respect you, I admire you, and you are the only friend I have, so selfishly, I’d like you to stay breathing.”

That was a lot of yeses to a whole lot of questions I hadn’t asked.

But somehow she’d nailed all but one question.

Not that I was going to ask about Mason, because there was no Mason. There could be no Mason. No matter how badly I wanted to climb him like a tree, I didn’t know how to do nasty things to a man.

Though I had no doubt he’d know how to do all the nasty things and make them out-of-this-world pleasurable while he did them. He already drove me to distraction. I didn’t need to offer up my virginity and add to the insanity. Not that he’d want to take a virgin to his bed when he could have experienced women to give him whatever it was he needed.

Gah. The thought of Mason and another woman made my stomach clench. Another reason to get this job done and get the hell gone.

“Is that why you stopped doing fieldwork? Did Tom give you an assignment that opposed your code?”

“Yes. So I found a way I could continue to help, but in a controlled way that didn’t put me at odds with who I wanted to be.”

Fucking Tom.

“You could too,” she continued. “You don’t have to be on the front lines. You could go back to being a journalist. I’ve read your articles and op-eds. You’re a talented writer. In the field, you quietly take out a bad guy, and he’s replaced within a day. But your words reach thousands. What if you inspire the next generation of warriors? And here’s another what-if—what if you hang up your cape and give it all up? You’re allowed to be happy, Calli. You’re allowed to stop. You’re allowed to put yourself first, and it doesn’t erase the good you’ve done.”

Give it all up. “It’s annoying when you make sense,” I complained. “But what’s more annoying is I need to jump off the merry-go-round, and I don’t know how. I keep going round and round with all these thoughts. It’s tiring, and I don’t know how to make them stop.”

“Just jump off, Calli. It’s that easy.”

Just jump off.

Easier said than done.

“I’ll figure it out after I’m done with Jason.”