Page 47 of Pining for You

Izaac and Audra snicker in unison, and it’s such a relief to see them making their way back to their old selves.

“Aaaaanyway,” I say, trying to take back control of the conversation. “So, the bakery is our final destination.”

“Dope, I love any quest that features baked goods,” she says, then pauses, looking around at us. “So, it seems like you guys have this all sorted out, but… may I point out one obvious, tiny little baby hiccup?”

We all wait.

“I mean, I assume you all have noticed that there is the small matter of a winter storm that may or may not break records arriving tonight, right?” she says.

Everyone looks up. No flakes yet, but the clouds are restless in the bruise-colored sky, looking like they might be gearing up for a tantrum.

“It’s on our radar, so to speak,” Cash says, putting an arm around Diya.

“Me. Hi. I’m the radar, it’s me,” Diya says, holding up her phone.

“Cool, cool,” Audra says. “Just making sure. So, to recap, the plan is to get to the bakery, for Bennie to make her grand gesture, get the girl, and be back in Ripton before the storm of the century starts?”

A beat passes and I rock back and forth on my heels before asking, “Is that… crazy?”

Audra cocks her head. “You know, let’s leave the ableist vocabulary out of it,” she says. “And just call it… ambitious?”

“We’ve had to tweak a little since the bakery was closed this morning, but we’re still making good time,” Izaac says defensively.

“Well, if there’s anyone I believe can pull off an efficient— Hold on.” Audra pauses again at a crosswalk to wait for a break in the traffic, and her face transforms. “Cash, I’m sorry, but what’s happening here?” she asks.

I turn to see Cash rolling his ankles and shaking his feet. I almost forgot about Bootgate.

“Cash is having a bit of a wardrobe malfunction today,” I say.

“Let’s just say my darling boyfriend is more interested in fashion than function,” Izaac says. “He’s ‘breaking them in.’ ”

“Oh hell, no, those are new?” Audra asks, looking down at Cash’s pristine white boots. Before he can answer, she snaps her fingers. “No wonder you two are so perfect together. Did Izaac ever tell you guys about the time our whole family had to miss a private tour of the Natural History Museum because he insisted on wearing a brand-new pair of oxfords? Oh lord, the tears—”

“Loving this trip down memory lane, but we need to get this show on the road,” Izaac says, quickly cutting her off.

“You’re no fun,” Audra says, throwing a shoulder at her brother. “But, Cash, seriously, you’ll never make it. My roommate is probably about the same size. I bet he has a pair you can borrow for the day.”

“That reminds me, your old roommate gave me a message for you,” Izaac says. “He said he cracked the code.”

Audra is silent for a moment. Then she bursts out laughing. “Oh, that kid. God love him.”

We all stare since she’s the only one in on the joke.

“Never mind,” she says. “I’ll explain another time. For now, let’s get Cash those shoes.”

“Oh, please don’t sweat it,” Cash says, but it’s a half-hearted objection. Even he knows it’s a necessary measure. He brightens a bit when he adds, “Although I’m going to need this museum story at some point.”

“Deal. But seriously, I live close—I can run quick and see what we’ve got!”

“If you’re going to get boots for my boyfriend, I’ll go with you,” Izaac says.

“A personal escort?”

“Can’t have you running away now that I’ve tracked you down,” he replies. Audra cuffs him and smirks. “Besides, I need to inspect this living situation after the last guy.”

I’m rolling again now. Their dynamic is so playful, so comfortable, it’s like they’ve slipped right back into a pair of old boots—ones that are well-worn and broken in. I think about Diya’s question—why Christmastime? Maybe there’s something to the way the holiday brings us together, in person, that allows wounds to heal more easily. I think about Christmas Day, and Michelle. What would it feel like to see my own sister? Would we find our rhythm again too?

Still, for as skilled as I am at daydreaming, this is one scene I still can’t picture no matter how I try. If only Michelle’s betrayal were that she moved apartments or changed jobs without telling me. If only she could say, I’m sorry I didn’t reach out, instead of sending me a big, long letter like the one sitting on my desk back home. If only I hadn’t already been through it with her last year, and read a letter just like it. But she already apologized, already promised, and then went back on her word. And that is what shook my faith.