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“I feel—”
My throat constricts when his eyes land on me, and I can’t find words because I’ve never seen such unadulterated desire like I find in Lycan’s stare. He leans back, his fork dropping on his plate with a loud clatter that echoes in the silence hanging heavily in the room around us.
“Look me in the eye. Tell me honestly that you don’t enjoy the feeling of being helpless,” he requests with a dark undertone to his voice, one that’s gritted in gravel and drenched in desire.
My mouth opens to retort some form of denial, something to tell Lycan Shaw he’s wrong about me, but I can’t. Not because I’m scared, but because he’s right. My stomach twists with the memory of what he did to me, how he touched me while holding me down on the cool surface of the vanity. And every moment of that only confirmed what I already knew—I’m broken.
“You don’t have to be ashamed,” he says before forking eggs into his mouth. His jaw works as he chews, and it’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen. His chiseled face has the makings of a perfect sculpture, and I wonder just how many women have fallen prey to the man who’s sitting at the head of the long table.
“I’m not ashamed about anything,” I tell him. “There are things that aren’t spoken about in my friend circles. In the society I grew up in, sex was something that happened behind closed doors.” It’s true. There weren’t any women who opened up about their personal lives. There were no confessions about husbands and boyfriends who were good or bad in bed and certainly no conversations about their own pleasure.
Even my best friend, as open-minded as she is, is not one for oversharing. Sometimes that’s a good thing, but other times, it’s lonely. Not to have anyone to confide in. So, I kept my secrets to myself.
“That’s the trouble with the old money society,” Lycan says as he breaks through my thoughts. “They’re far too conservative, only to do the darkest, dirtiest things in secret.” A glint of knowing sparkles in his gem-like eyes.
“Oh?” I want to know. Curiosity has always been my downfall, and right now, I want Lycan to tell me just what his desires are, what he’s capable of, but something tells me he won’t.
“I don’t think you’re ready for that conversation, little red,” he chuckles before he continues eating, and I realize the talk is over. I focus on my plate and attempt to enjoy the meal, which is delicious, but the churning in my gut has my thighs squeezing together with memories.
I recall my ex-boyfriend, a good guy for all intents and purposes, but he was also someone who never could understand how my mind worked when it came to sex. I wanted him to grip me harshly, to spank me, to make me cry out, but his sweet nature had made him soft. Nothing wrong with that, I cared about him, but he wasn’t a man who could get me off. After our dates, I would race to my bedroom to grab a vibrator to find pleasure with the dark fantasies that ran through my mind.
And now, I may have found my match, only, he bought me from my father. That’s not how I wanted to meet the man I’m going to marry. I promised him the week, which I can do. There’s no reason I shouldn’t give him a chance to prove his worth.
But I just don’t know if I’ll survive a lifetime.
15
Lycan
When breakfast ended, Scarlett disappeared upstairs. I wanted to confess everything to her. Tell her about my proclivities, and even though I’m certain she’ll be able to handle them, I didn’t. The more I open up to her, the more likely she is to use something against me.
I can’t trust her.
I shouldn’t trust her.
My office door swings open, and Kahn saunters in dressed all in black. His heavy boots thud against the wooden floorboards as he nears my desk. I watch him silently as he slips into the high, wingback chair that faces me.
“Darius is in New York. He’s been meeting with the Capo of the Moretti familia. There’s something odd going on. Why would he be talking to Alex’s cousins?”
That’s a good fucking question. I don’t respond to Kahn; instead, I pick up my mobile and hit dial on Alexei’s number. I’ll get the truth, one way or another.
“What can I do for you, Shaw?” Alex’s thick accent comes across the speaker after one ring.
Leaning back in my chair, I tell him, “My brother and your cousin seem to be buddies. Any reason why?” I’m not afraid of Alex. I’ve known him far too long to fear him, but I wouldn’t want to get on the wrong side of him.
