Page 58 of Winter Magic at Hollybrae Castle

‘What about you?’

‘Honestly?’ He lifts his head and pulls back slightly, like he’s giving me a chance to turn it into something jokey, but I nod.

‘For this not to be pretend.’ His arms tighten again, leaving me in no doubt that this is what he’s talking about, and I let out a shivery breath. Everything inside me feels full of air, like I could float right up to the stars if his arms loosened.

‘It doesn’t feel pretend, does it?’

‘No, it doesn’t.’

Silence fills the driveway like neither of us knows what to do with that admission, and maybe it’s for the best that we don’t do anything with it for now. When he gets this promotion, he’ll be coming to London. I’ll get to see him again, see him more. See him properly. Get to know him authentically instead of in this weirdly false way. It’ll be a chance to see if there’s something real between us… when he’s not busy with work and I’m not job hunting and desperately trying to find something that fits me. And somehow, wherever this goes, it will be different for us. I won’t end up feeling like the three women inside. They probably all told themselves that too, once upon a time.

‘How can you even contemplate leaving this place?’ I lean back in his embrace. He’s wearing a coat that’s wrapped around me too, his body is solid and warm behind me, and despite the sparkling chill in the air, I’m struggling to remember a time when I’ve felt warmer.

His head is still resting against mine and he sounds like he’s half-asleep. ‘Until a few weeks ago? Easily. Now? I don’t know. You’ve made it harder than I ever thought possible.’

‘Good.’

He laughs and his whole body tightens around me as he holds me closer, and my fingers curl into his arms because I never want to let him go. I never want this moment to end.

I love Christmas Eve. Even as an adult, it’s like you can feel the excitement of children everywhere. The world is shining with anticipation. You feel closer to your younger self, before adulthood took the magic away, and everything around you is filled with the endless possibilities of what’s to come.

I’m sure Ollie can hear every thought running through my mind because his hand slides up my jaw and he lifts my head and turns me enough to be able to press his lips to mine.

It’s deep and momentous, and it feels like he’s trying to hold back a wave of emotions.

Kissing him before has been hot, sexy, desperate, but this is a kiss that comes from a deeper place. A declaration, a promise. One that feels loving, like finding home, finding a place that’s meant for you. Everything about this kiss feels different in every way, and when we pull back and I look up into his eyes, it feels like the most magical moment of all has just happened between us.

20

‘It’s Christmas!’ Maisie and Rory burst into Ollie’s room at an abominable time on Christmas morning, and if they’re even vaguely surprised to find me curled up in bed with him, they don’t show it.

When we go downstairs, Clint’s twins are already running around like they’ve eaten sugar cubes for breakfast, and it isn’t long before everyone’s gathered in the entrance hall in their pyjamas, even though some of the pyjamas on display are designer branded and made of the finest satin, unlike my fleece gingerbread-men-covered ones.

Ollie’s hair is adorably rumpled. He’s wearing a dressing gown and has his arm around my shoulders and I’ve yet to let go of his hand. His smile is quite possibly the widest I’ve ever seen it, and there’s a sense of peace that I feel just from being near him.

The nicest thing is that everyone’s together. All the guests brought their own presents for each other and put them under the entrance hall tree, and after the initial chaos of wrapping paper flying everywhere as the youngest kids found theirs, Maisie is proud to take over the handing out of presents while my mum and dad take the twins and Rocco outside to show them the glittery hoofprints and reindeer-chewed carrot tops that Hamish left on the driveway last night. Now everyone’s settled in, it’s not unlike a huge, chaotic family Christmas, and seeing the magic through children’s eyes makes me feel like a kid again, and it obviously has the same effect on the other adults too.

When there’s mass confusion about why everyone’s got a slinky as a gift, Ollie explains the annual Hollybrae Castle slinky races, and the twins start doing practice runs on the stairs. Jingling elf socks are pulled on immediately by children and adults, and the only person who complains about chocolate before breakfast is Nancy, who scolds everyone for spoiling their appetite, and then eats a chocolate or two herself anyway.

All sense of peace evaporates as we start preparing the dinner. Me and Ollie, Nancy, Hamish, and my mum and dad all gather in the kitchen. Thankfully Nancy’s done as much prep as possible in advance, but it’s still bedlam. There’s turkey, there’s chicken, there are vegetarian options, and gluten-free options, and Yorkshire puddings, and every vegetable that’s ever been invented in every feasible way it’s ever been cooked from roast potatoes to mashed potatoes to toffee parsnips to Brussels sprouts, and then the ginormous chocolate trifle Nancy’s made for dessert.

I might’ve been shocked to see my mum and dad on Tuesday, but now I’m so glad they’re here because we would never have managed without them, and with so many hands on deck, the hectic cooking time goes faster than expected, and my mum’s like a human oven timer who somehow manages to ensure everything comes out exactly when it should do.

When we sit down to dinner, the table in the grand dining hall is the length of a bus, and I’m seated at one end of it like the lady of the household, and Ollie’s at the other end, the master of the house. Christmas carols are playing softly in the background, and everyone has stayed in casual clothes. Even our most uptight guests haven’t changed out of their pyjamas, and everyone’s wearing their elf socks.

Before we eat, Dand asks if we can all share something we’re thankful for. He raises his glass to both ends of the table. ‘I’m thankful to our hosts, Oliver and Lucy, who have so generously opened their home and hearts to us this year, and made us feel like part of a family, something that’s sorely missing from our usual Christmases. Happy Christmas to all!’

Everyone echoes similar sentiments, and when it’s my turn, there’s only one person I can possibly thank for how wonderful he’s made this month. ‘I’m thankful for my beautiful Ollie, who makes every day better just by existing, and who makes my heart feel like it’s soaring…’ My eyes are on his as I speak. His hands are clasped together and the smile on his face is a sight to behold, although I quickly make a non-suspicious amendment. ‘Still, even after all these years.’

‘Only you can follow that one, Oliver.’ Even though it’s not Ollie’s turn, Dand makes sure he goes next.

‘I’m thankful to the girl who makes this cold old castle feel like the warmest, most welcoming home. The girl I’ve been falling for since the day I met her. I don’t know how I got so lucky.’ The way he’s looking at me makes my heart feel like it’s leapt into my throat, and I’m certain there’s not a word of a lie in those words.

Instead of stopping there, Ollie stands up and his feet jingle as he walks the length of the table. ‘In fact, if you’ll excuse me, the thing I’m most thankful for is being able to give my wife a hug on Christmas Day.’

He crouches beside my chair and wraps his arms around me in the tightest squeeze, and I go from being hyperaware of everyone’s eyes on us to losing myself in his embrace, dinner and guests forgotten for a fleeting moment. His mouth finds mine and presses an all-too-brief kiss to my lips, and I can feel how much he has to force himself to pull back, a hand on my knee with one final squeeze as he uses it to push himself up, and that certainty comes again as he walks back to his seat. That wasn’t pretending.

‘Awww!’ Orla looks like she’s just witnessed a proposal. ‘You two are inspirational. To still be so in love after all these years…’