Page 64 of Winter Magic at Hollybrae Castle

Now, he’s pacing the hallway. He hugs both my parents and Mira and Brian, and reiterates that they’re welcome here anytime, even though it would be somewhat odd with neither of us here. I’m struggling to hold back tears as I hug them goodbye too. It’s silly, of course it is. I’m going home tomorrow. I will literally see Mira tomorrow evening and my parents are only a quick train journey from London. But maybe it’s not about that at all. Maybe it’s more that this has been the most wonderful Christmas in years, and I’m not ready for it to be over.

When Hamish helps with the bags and goes to open the gates again, Nancy rounds up Maisie and Rory. ‘You kids can have a night at Granny and Grandad’s. I think “Mum” and “Dad” need to talk.’

‘I don’t want you to go!’ Maisie cries. ‘I want to come here every weekend and I don’t even care about the pony! Auntie Lula and Uncle Ollie belong here!’

I clamp my lip between my teeth to stop myself letting out a sob as she hugs me, clinging on like I’ll never see her again.

Rory goes to hug Ollie. ‘Daddy says your usual job makes you miserable, but you haven’t been miserable at all lately. Usually you’re quiet and grumpy and Granny tells us to leave you alone and not bother you, but you’ve been the best fun here. I prefer this version of Uncle Ollie, even if you did fob me off with a Lego Lamborghini instead of a real one.’

The noise I let out is half-laugh and half-sob, and Ollie’s shoulders jolt as he tries to hold it together. I didn’t expect it to be this hard to say goodbye to the kids and Maisie’s tears make it impossible not to get choked up too.

When Nancy has eventually dragged them away, Ollie sinks down to sit on the bottom stair and drops his head into his hands, and it’s my turn to start wearing down the entrance hallway carpet with my pacing, because it’s the only way to stop myself going over to hug him.

‘Rory’s right,’ I say eventually. ‘Even a ten-year-old can see it. I’ve only known you for a month and I can see it too. You come home from work and you’re stressed and anxious and wound tight, but when you’re here, you’re relaxed and happy. You fit here.’

‘Isn’t that everybody’s work–life balance?’

‘Not like this, Ol, and you know it.’

He lifts his head and looks up at me with patches of redness colouring the skin under his eyes. ‘So what if I do know it? Everyone hates their jobs. Everyone would rather be at home than at work. And yeah, these past few weeks have been glorious, but this isn’t real. They’re not really our kids. You’re not really my wife. Every Christmas wouldn’t be like this because I couldn’t afford it. The castle isn’t usually like this. It’s usually cold, lonely, dark. It hasn’t felt like home for a really long time.’

‘I know that,’ I mutter. ‘What about everything we spoke about last night? What about your dad’s plans?’

‘What about them? They’re intangible. The daydreams of a man who found some photos from the 1920s and let himself get lost inside them. It’s not like he’d created a viable business plan, it was just the “one day” fantasies of someone who worked too much and wanted to dream about a time when he wouldn’t work so much. I can’t throw away everything I’ve been working towards on a whim.’

‘It’s not just a whim. Don’t tell me it’s not something you’ve thought about before.’

‘I’ve thought about it, of course I have, and it’s been unexpectedly fulfilling to have so many people here for Christmas, and to see the castle being appreciated and buzzing with life. I didn’t expect to enjoy any part of this Christmas, but I’ve loved it. Aye, it makes me want something more for Hollybrae, but it would take investment and belief and a huge leap of faith and I’m too sensible for taking chances like this. With this promotion, I know the castle will survive. If I turn it down and try to make a go of this… if it doesn’t work out, I’ll have lost my only chance of saving it. I won’t be able to get my job back.’

‘There will be other jobs. There’s only one you.’

He sighs and pushes both hands through his hair wearily and drags himself to his feet. ‘You can stay. I’ll have more money coming in – I can employ you to go ahead with the Christmas retreat idea, and with every wonderful idea you’re bursting with for this place, but I can’t. I can’t be part of it in this way.’

‘Are you serious?’ My mouth has fallen open and I don’t know whether to be shocked or offended. ‘You think I want to stay here, in your castle, without you? Hollybrae Castle is you. You’re what makes it special. The lights, the decorations, that’s all window dressing.’

‘Pardon the pun?’

‘I’m serious, Ollie.’ I give him a stern look. ‘The one and only thing that’s made this Christmas so special is you. The one part of this place I can’t bear to leave is you. The castle itself isn’t warm and welcoming – you are, and I’ve seen you so happy in these past few days. I’ve seen you standing there with a smile on your face, watching the castle come to life again, and we have a real chance to make something of it – to make it pay for itself, as your father knew it could.’

‘Aye, I’ve loved it, but what if no one books? What if there’s a slow month? What if the interest in a Christmas retreat isn’t as great as you think it will be? What if no one wants to have their wedding here? What if the weather closes the roads and grounds the plane? What if it doesn’t work out?’

‘What if it does?’

He reaches out for my hand, hesitantly, like he’s not expecting me to let him take it. ‘It’s a lovely dream, Lu, it really is, but do you know what always happens in dreams? People wake up.’

He sounds so dejected that it makes me struggle not to cry again too.

‘It’s a fantasy for another time. Like my father, maybe when I retire. The London job is real and it’s right here in my hands now. I can’t let an opportunity like that go. I’m sorry.’

‘You don’t need to apologise to me. The one thing you deserve in this life is to be happy… and I don’t think this will make you happy.’ I grimace, wondering if it was really my place to say it, but then again, what lines haven’t I crossed with Ollie in these past few weeks? One more won’t make any difference…

‘This is exactly what I hired you for. This was the entire point of everything we’ve done this month. This is everything I’ve been working towards – of course it makes me happy.’

He looks the furthest thing from happy, but my phone rings before I have a chance to push him any further.

The timing is dire and I’m not going to answer whoever it is, but Ollie takes the opportunity to walk away, and maybe that’s a good thing because we’re just going around in circles here and one of us is likely to say something they’ll regret, most probably me.

I check the screen and blink in surprise when ‘Calloways’ is staring up at me. This can’t be anything good. Are they going to charge me for damage to the animatronic Santa or sue me for causing distress to children? I reluctantly answer the call with a feeling of dread.