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The coolness of his body brushed up against her back. Though he didn’t touch her, he stood close.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
She grabbed the windowsill. She needed to hold onto something. “It’s not your fault. You didn’t know.”
“Please, look at me, Maya.”
She turned slowly, facing his guilty expression.
“If I hadn’t bitten you that night, Ilano would’ve claimed you, most probably drained you, or worse, turned you. I had no choice. Still, I wanted to. I wanted to make you mine more than anything. I had no idea…”
“You don’t have to justify it. I gave you permission, remember?”
Emotions clouded his face. “You don’t understand. Even if you’d said no, I would’ve seduced you, drugged you with my kiss, anything to have you. Forever.”
His words angered her. She wasn’t a toy that could be owned. Uttering a cynical laugh, she said, “Well, you got your wish. It’s forever now.”
His head jerked as though she’d slapped him. His eyes widened with new insight. “You don’t want it forever, do you? It has never been your intention.” His pupils turned a deep shade of red. “Were you just playing with me?”
Yes, damn it. She could never endorse his arms smuggling. He didn’t give her a choice. She had to leave him when her mission was over. “Play with you? My life is hardly a game.”
“Before this morning, you didn’t know your life was on the line.” He took her shoulders and shook her lightly. “Tell me, damn you. How long were you going to stay? Did you believe I’d ever let you go?”
She looked at him with defiance. “You said you’d give me time.”
“Instead, I gave you everything.” He let go of her with a soft push, causing her to collide with the wooden ledge at her back. “Who is he? Who spoiled you for other men, Maya?”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“You give me your body but you won’t let me near your heart. Do you think I’m a fool? You’re terrified of commitment. This is what your denial is about, why you won’t face living a life with me.”
“I’m not scared.”
He narrowed his eyes. “Then tell me you love me.”
“There’s a difference between lust and love, Tim. What we have for each other is lust.”
“Damn you!” He dragged his hands through his hair. “Don’t you dare degrade my feelings just because you can’t be honest about yours.”
“Why all the screaming, Tim? You got what you wanted. I’m yours. Forever. Bound to you by a fucking addiction!”
His voice turned bitter. “Do you think I want to live with the knowledge that you’re staying with me only because you’ll die if you don’t?”
She covered her face with her hands. “I didn’t ask for this any more than you did.”
“Don’t change the subject. Tell me you’re staying because the virus wouldn’t have made a difference one way or another. Tell me it doesn’t matter, because you wouldn’t have left me, ever.”
She dropped her hands and stared at him. Agony sliced through her heart, shredding it to pieces. “I can’t tell you what you want to hear.”
She couldn’t lie to him, not about something as deep as this. There was already too much deceit between them. How did they get themselves entangled in this mess?
The fiery color of his eyes faded to cold pools of black. “He’s a lucky man. I hope he deserves the life and happiness you’re throwing away because he disappointed you. I hope he knows he ruined you, or maybe that was his intention all along.”
He turned from her and stalked away. Her hands trembled as she watched him yank his suit jacket from the back of the chair and leave the room. Through the window, she saw him walk down the garden path to the car. Frida hurried to his side, her perfect face scrunched up in concern. She took his arm, and he turned and said something to her before they both got into the back of the car.
Cesar ran around to take the driver seat. Lee turned his face toward to the window. When their eyes connected, she saw pity in his. Swinging around, she hurried away from the window. Out of sight, where no one could witness her humiliation, her knees gave in. Hugging herself, she sunk to the floor. She hadn’t cried since Darren, but now tears fell in big drops onto the floor, exploding on the wood.
What was she supposed to do? Rocking herself, she thought about the choices she had. It was never supposed to go this far. Cesar had tried to warn her, but she wouldn’t listen. Sleeping with Tim had seemed harmless enough at the time. How could she have been so foolish to think it would make her job easier? It was supposed to be simple—destroy the arms and get the information. Now she was marked by a dhampir, and her body couldn’t function without his bite. Maybe it was punishment for her sins.
