Page 40 of Monster. Me.

Once again he slowly nods. He’s still standing there, biting his lip. There's a silence hanging in the air, and I know his thoughts are racing like startled deer, uncertain which way to run. I can just tell he's struggling to find the right words to explain it to me, or maybe he's wondering whether he should say anything at all.

Then suddenly he speaks in a strained voice.

"Inside, I’m an omega, Fenn. This body isn’t all that I am. I spent years struggling with my identity, trying to find my place in the world or someone who understood me. A few times I ended up in some very dark places. Places where I couldn’t see a way out anymore. The last time was about six weeks ago. It was a close call, but my brother-in-law used his influence at the hospital to save me. Blue Lowen, you probably heard about him. Then he helped me enroll in this program as a last resort. I’m a mess, Fenn. A total mess. This program felt like a chance, but I think I was wrong. I convinced myself a miracle might happen, but—"

He stops.

I stay quiet. I don’t want to interrupt with opinions or judgments, and definitely not to add more doubts.

I’m honestly shocked by how much he revealed in that short confession. Suicide attempts. Loneliness. Feeling trapped with no way forward. Being at his limits.

"Why are you losing faith in the program? I heard the results have been pretty good," I say, though I’m not convinced myself.

I know Blue Lowen, of course. I spent time in his facility before, first on Calsing Island, then in his own version of the AA program. And even he, a famous scientist and genius, couldn’t replicate my gift. There's a reason for it.

My secret.

Silence hangs between us.

Eventually, Marlow speaks again.

"I think I believed in it more when Blue was running things. But after the program got shut down and Welrun took over, I don’t know… I have a hard time putting my faith in the brilliance of Dr. Lee and Dr. Lomax."

"Who knows. Dr. Lomax seems like a doctor straight out of a nightmare, but apparently he’s a brilliant scientist. He’s not even forty yet and already runs the entire facility," I say with a faint, unconvincing smile.

"Still… there’s another reason I’m not sure any of this is going to work. I made a mistake coming here. I was so desperate that—"

Marlow stops again.

Then he takes a step backward. Another one. He rubs a hand across his forehead.

"I really need to go back. This is something I have to deal with myself. My own mistakes," he ends on a vague note.

Then he heads for the door, and I don’t have the courage to stop him. How would I even do that? What could I possibly offer that would make him stay?

He’s already helped me more than I ever deserved. I can't bring myself to ask for more, even though I want to. Dear Fate, I want to so badly. I desperately search for words, but what can a beast possibly say to a beauty?

Pick a rose from my garden and stay in my castle?

Well, one thing’s for sure.

I can’t expect him to stay here, since it’s not a castle, but a damned dungeon.

MARLOW

I leave Fenn Drax’s room feeling even more lost about everything that’s happening. What the hell am I supposed to do? Seriously, what?

Before the door closes behind me, I glance once more at the large glass wall overlooking the cafeteria. Rupert is already there eating breakfast, sitting beside Juan and Timmy like always.

I have no desire to join them, but I know I should. If I stay away too long, people will start asking questions, and the last thing I want is more attention.

Suddenly, I notice two people standing near the elevator, talking. Wilhelm and Reed immediately head my way at a brisk pace.

Now that Fenn Drax’s door is closed, they both pull the clips off their noses, but I still notice the two of them subtly flaring their nostrils, as if inhaling something. Could it be that because I hugged Fenn, some of his scent rubbed off on me? Not good.

"So, how was your little bath in his pheromones? Feeling tempted to go for more?" Wilhelm mutters, flashing me a crooked grin loaded with implication.

"We're available too, you know."